Unwilling Arrival

I arrive. Step back, confounded by
An army of swirling faces. Thumping
Music. Arms encircle me, drag me into
A crowd of sweat-stained bodies.
Liquor drenched voices crow at me.
Thrust a drink into my unwilling hand.
The room sways as though drunk.
My body rebels at the confusion. I step
Away. Move back from the press.
It is too much, I can't see it.
I move back again, into the arms
Of a boy I hardly know. He holds me
Against his yearning body. Talks over my
Struggles. Leans down, presses his mouth
on mine. A friend swoops down, pulls me
away from the illicit kiss. Leaves me again.
I stand outside, trying to find some peace.
I am confronted by a circle of couples.
Get a room. The street filled with the tang
Of cigarette smoke. Figures hazy through
The smoke. I turn away. Try to keep the
Stink off my clothes. My kiss follows me,
Tries to embrace me again. His whispers
Almost seduce my common sense. I move
Away again. Stand with a silent friend, watch
The patterns as the crowd ebbs and flows.
People drift from one group to the other.
By the patio, my friends perch on boys knees
Lips entwined hopelessly. I wink at one as she
Surfaces for air. I will not remind her of her
absent boyfriend. I should, but she will only
hate me. Inside, the music pounds on the floor,
on the girl's swaying bodies. I would join them
but I am afraid of the boys possessive stares.
They watch hungrily. Slouch against the walls,
Eyes slow and unblinking. By the loo, a water
fight has started. I join in, am in the thick of it.
Soaked. My top clings to my frame. My first
laugh of the night. I go back to waiting. Pull
my swaying friends out of clutching bushes
give them water. Sit them down. Curse their
stupidity. The kiss had fallen asleep on the
hedge. He slowly slips, wakes up and tumbles
to the floor. I laugh. Cruel I know. But he has
kissed two more girls tonight and I feel
insulted. Like an unwilling Cinderella, I wait
for the clock strike. Digital watches beep.
Midnight. I leave.