RE: Hope

This is in reply to young_choose_life's "Hope".

I'd always considered myself forward; courageous, approachable, friendly.

That cold day in October, 2009, will be engrained in my head for a long time - I'm sure of it.
Sat in my usual seat next to Hannah, I let my mind drift and wander until Mrs Johnson came in. What was I thinking about? James? No. Chess, Briony? Maybe. Eliza? Of course. I snapped back into reality when a shy female voice sneaked across the table; "Do you have a pen I can borrow?"

I turned to hand the stranger a biro and my heart pounded at the sight of her. Alex Bryan, davis, my year. In three of my classes. I'd noticed her before but there was something about her now that made me yearn to impress her.
Out came the jokes, the phone number, the witty remarks that i'd hoped would make her laugh; most of the time it worked and with every giggle my grin only got bigger.
I didn't understand the feeling in my stomach, didn't know why my heart was racing. But deep down I knew I had to have her.

Within the next few weeks my feelings grew - and as my feelings grew, so did the speculation about her sexuality, and my sexuality in my own head. After the incident 4 years ago, did I really want to put myself through it again?
That thought replayed in my head ALL day.
Until that faithful media lesson.
As I sat down in my usual seat, I let my mind drift and wander until Mrs Johnson came in. What was I thinking about? James? No. Chess, Briony? No. Eliza? No.

Alex? Alex... Alex Bryan. Alexandra Bryan? Yes. That was all I was thinking about all day.

8 months on and I still love you. Just thought you should know a fraction of my feelings/thoughts at the beginning.