Reflections

To be trapped, is that the key?
In a body that claims to be me
Yet I don't see what you all see, a timeless image,
I just don't agree.

Twist and turn my head, no angle could muster
how I feel when I spot the blemishes cluster
around my face.
How I wish I could replace the feeling, stop my heart race.

How could I have known it'd upset you?
The way I cry at what I percieve to be true,
A monster, a witch, a banshee
I only want to create marvel,
wish to only sparkle,
with light flowing off my skin, to be thin,
to have what I need to succeed...

... At least I think.
I poke and I prod, but that's not enough
for the sight before me only seems rough
like the hairs on my head, oh why won't they shine?
I want a reflection that I'm proud to say's mine.

I'm sorry I hurt you, when I don't believe
if I'm honest I wish these thoughts would just leave,
yet that's not the case - I'm always like this
if only I could render what I believe to be a blemish,
cut it out like thin paper, why can't I surrender?

It seems grey in that world, the world of the mirror,
and as you hug me close it only seems clearer
you're too good, way too good for me at most,
with your sparkling eyes and your dash of white hair,
to place these rough hands on your cheeks, do I dare?
To kiss you, to hold you, am I even that lucky?
I can't bare it, taking pictures when I'm sure I look ugly -
I wish you saw what I saw, or at least the reverse
and yes, I know this is very perverse
what I'm saying is crude, but you know I detest
my reflection just needs what I really love best,
some clarity, some zest, some definition at least,
I'm not asking for perfection, but less like this beast
that I see every day, for 17 years

I'm just sick of forever wasting these tears.