Time Falls

By Louise178

Sun, 15 Aug 2010
  • 1815 reads
6 comments
 

Steady living of life disrupted------ with space upon space, mountain
spikes low, high flat bottomed out
dull soft notes silent knock in black stark ink
conciousness struggles to fathom flounders in dark

Communication stuttered, collapsed, compassion
guilty
rested, wanted more, it protested and sat arms folded
steady, steady tread missed step as you fell ten
thousand feet
and woke from horrid sickening sleep.

No rest, but the treadmill sets off, the mind relieved
heart resets, continuing again it's constant beat
scared as a child, you calm, realise you are
still here
just a glitch, nothing significant, a snip of time.

Certificate U
Poem
Poems
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by Louise178 on
I couldn't really set this out how I wanted, have used hyphens to signify spaces.

Louise

Submitted by Louise178 on
Thanks Larkin, love your name it is brilliant, good idea about periods, have had a sneaky look at a couple of your pieces, mm very nice, love your subtle rhythm, where it's nearly there, just about, it's very clever, does actually remind me of a very famous american poet! When I can write like that person I will die happy! mm better than sex.

Louise

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I like this too Louise - great imagery!

 

Submitted by Louise178 on
Thank you , it's lovely to have had comments from two really good writers, thanks again.

Louise

Submitted by Kahdai on
This is sad to me, also quite spooky, yet its exciting & mysterious too, really like this one Louise! K

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by Louise178 on
Thank you Kahdai for your interesting comment, you are kind.

Louise