The makings of a thief
By love_writing
- 1097 reads
Trying a bit of flash fiction..200 words.
Money was missing, he knew it must be her; he’d been watching.
He said it would be her last shift but she could still have her grated cheese baguette at break time. Looking back she wondered why he hadn't walked her straight out of the pub if he really thought she had stolen the money. She realised she’d been the scapegoat. But what it gave her was the idea. If he thought her capable of such an act, why not just do it.
She slotted the tarnished gold coins into the side of her ribbed graying sports socks giving her ankle a little shake chink chink chink making the coins fall under her foot where they nestled into her high instep. They’d stay there uncomfortably for the rest of her shift.
Outside her senses were sharp, intense. A startled pigeon flew up in front of her, flap flapping his wings as if in slow motion. Faces seemed to stare at her.
‘Eeeevniiin tiimes,’ she heard as if from a loud-hailer.
Resting a hand on some wrought iron railings, she pretended to scratch inside her trainer as her fingers searched for the warm coins.
Soon she would be ripping inky tags.
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Comments
I keep reading and re-reading
I keep reading and re-reading. the split narrative really opens up possibilities. Your images are strong and add a real sense of unease.Some typos in line 3. The last line has thrown me and I keep going over it trying to fathom its depths. Great, compact writing!
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Does last line mean she'll
Does last line mean she'll move on to shoplifting, or am l way off. Dozy D
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The essence of a short story
The essence of a short story - the characters come in to view fully formed, give us a glimpse of a turning point in their lives, and continue to live for us as they resume their journey. Flash fiction is so hard to write well, and this is admirable.
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Lots of intrigue here, works
Lots of intrigue here, works well as flash fiction as you get to the essence of things. A roaming 't' needs re-positioning,
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Skilfull writing here, lw.
Skilfull writing here, lw. Flash, so hard to do well, but you have accomplished it with flying colours.
Tina
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