oot ma heed.

I had to leave them a had nae choice. I’ll say that now an a said it then. He left me wi four kids, an a jist wanted somat fir me, ken. His Ma took in the eldest two till a got back on ma feet. An ma neighbour Marie said she’d mind o’er the little wans till a went oot fir a bit -a needed to get oot.

A met Ronnie puffin on a dowt outside the bookies - n soon we were inside his wan bed. Marie said aye they could stay fir a night, bit wan night rolled intae the next. An a just couldnae go back. Back tae the mess, the nappies, the cryin'.

Next thing a know the social are chappin’ on Ronnie’s door sayin’ a left ma own wains, that they were in soiled gear n shit an eating mouldy breed. Well a said; contact their Da he’s the wan who ran oaf wi some bint frae Blackpool.

An I shut the door.

A look n it’s still the same door shut, I’ve still a vody in ma han- shakin, an I think, I try tae think, they were better oaf withoot me. That hame they went tae had a good name.

He walks by me now, lives wan toon doon the road frae me. He ken’s who a am, but a know by his eyes no tae even try. His eyes are aw black like they’ve seen somat evil. He must be about fifty noo. But a still see him as bein five.

I tried ma best, an sometimes a think a shouldnae have had wains but a swig at ma vody soon melts that thought right oot ma heed.