Cruel Winter (IP)

Cherry

By luigi_pagano

Tue, 20 Nov 2018
  • 1223 reads
5 comments
 
For the homeless winter is not right.
They sleep outdoor in freezing cold
protected just by rags during the night.
 
To passers-by they look a sorry sight,
a situation which is painful to behold.
For the homeless winter is not right.
 
There are poor souls who lose the fight
as, overcome by hypothermia, they fold
protected just by rags during the night.
 
Some charities try to ease their plight:
they know and don't need to be told
that for the homeless winter is not right.
 
Nocturnal dangers loom, causing fright,
there is no safeguard for the old
protected just by rags during the night.
 
Poverty is a malady that results in blight,
the ideal of equality we must uphold;
for the homeless in winter it'sn't right
to be protected just by rags at night.
 
© Luigi Pagano 2018
Certificate U
Poem
Cherry ripe
Opinion
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

This seems to work well, Luigi. You seem to have worked the complicated rhymes and repeats without it overpowering the flowing thought, just supporting it. It suits the subject matter. (I liked the liberty you took of tweaking the last 2 lines. It can confirm poetic 'rules' to have a slight break!) Rhiannon

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Hello Rhiannon. I found this a bit less daunting than the sestina, it took me a couple of hours to put it together once I familiarised myself with the rules which allow for slight tweaks, it would appear. 
I haven't attempted a villanelle before and I am quite satisfied with the result even though the experts might be able to find faults. Practice makes perfect, it is said, but I think I won't repeat the experience, for a long time at least. There must be many other forms that I don't know which could be exploited. I'll have to research. 
The cherry count continues to rise, which is encouraging.

Luigi x

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Thanks for the cherries, Eds. smiley

 

Submitted by hilary west on

Hi Luigi,

I thought this worked very well. The villanelle is a form I particularly like and one Xmas I wrote one myself. Well done !!!

Hilary   smiley

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

I am so glad to hear that it works well as it is my first try at this form.
The idea for the topic originated from recent news reports of the increasing number of people sleeping rough in the Manchester area. There is a lot of concern about this problem among the local population.
Thanks for your feedback, Hilary.

Best, Luigi