Chadpocalypse - 3:4 Tainted Love

Chad had been in his fair share of leasing centers for buildings he couldn’t afford. Stepping into the lobby of The Hollywood Apartments, he instantly recognized the chintzy furniture, bowls of plastic fruit and glass fireplaces. They’ve really managed to recreate the authentic experience. In the corner, a portable air conditioner did its best to both filter out the stench of brimstone and cool Hell’s air.

The demon leasing agent looked like he was trying to approximate a human form, but not doing a great job of it. Dark blotches of scales still covered pieces of his skin, and while he had tried to file his claws down to regular looking nails, they carried a mean, weaponlike quality to them. His horns were poorly hidden beneath a clean-cut wig that looked as though it had been hastily plastered on with a glue stick. “So, tell me, what’s your name?” he asked, running a hand through the fake hair and nearly knocking it off his head.

Chad kept his mouth shut, wary.

“Oh, come on, Chad, don’t be rude.” The cherub shot him a furious glare. “Would hate to take you back for a visit with our good friend, the sand worm…”

The demon laughed. “Sand worms sure can be a messy bunch. Well, Chad, let’s try to keep you away from The Sands and get you into one of our lovely units, shall we?”

Chad looked at the demon and then to the cherub. The naked hunger they displayed almost made him want to take his chances in the dunes. He thought back to the sand worm’s maw and fear got the better of him. “Sure, why not? Let’s see a unit.”

“That’s the spirit!” The demon clapped his hands together and pulled out a thin computer pad. “Now, my name is Sharon, I’ll be assisting you today. Let’s try to get you into the perfect unit.”

“Sharon?” asked the cherub, surprised.

The demon put a hand on his hip. “Got a problem with me not conforming to a gender binary naming scheme, little dude?” He looked the cherub up and down, which didn’t take long. “We’re demons, but that doesn’t mean we have to be assholes.”

“Yeah, little guy,” Chad added. “Keep your views to yourself.”

The cherub checked his stopwatch and pressed a button, causing the alarm to go off. “Will you excuse us for one moment, Sharon? Chad needs to be reminded of the sinner-demon relationship.”

Sharon spread his hands. “Of course. There’s a great elevator shaft over there.” He motioned to a set of metal doors on the other side of the elevator lobby. “Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll call the maintenance elevator.”

“Oh, come on, man, I was just kidding.”

“Sorry, but this has to look real,” whispered the cherub, more than a little glee in his voice. He dragged Chad across the room. The elevator doors snapped open revealing a patchwork of gears and pistons sticking out at odd angles. Chad didn’t have to be an expert to see that he was in for a world of hurt.

“Now’s probably not the time, but this doesn’t look like a properly functioning elevator.” Chad winced.

“Well, let this be a lesson then,” hissed the cherub. “We might be having some fun testing out this new attraction, but anyone can report us. Next time, try to show me a little deference, asshole.” The cherub tossed Chad into the elevator shaft and gave Sharon a thumbs up.

Before Chad had a chance to speak, the elevator carriage came plummeting down, crushing him like a bug and sending pieces of him splattering against the doors and gears beyond. In the blink of an eye, he was sitting in one of the leasing office’s chairs, screaming.

“Get ahold of yourself, Chad.” Sharon walked over and brushed him off. “Still pretty new to this aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Chad panted. Somehow, the pain never got any easier. It hurt just as bad as the first time.

“The elevator shaft is just one of our many amenities.” Sharon pointed toward the doors. “I think you’ll find plenty of ‘activities’ that make this building a worthwhile investment. So, let’s get down to it and show you some units, shall we?”

Chad groaned, still reeling from having an elevator dropped on his head.

“That’s the spirit,” cheered Sharon. “We can discuss budget a little bit later, but for now, let’s go look at a lovely one bedroom on the twentieth floor.” Sharon walked over to the elevator bank and pushed the call button. The metal doors slid open, revealing a mess of gore and blood from where Chad had been standing a few seconds earlier. “Ooh, forgot about that, maybe best we take the other elevator.”

“Yes, I think that would be best,” agreed the cherub. “Come along, Chadwell, we don’t have all day.”

Chad trotted behind the two demons like an obedient dog, fantasizing about all the ways he could bite the hand that tortured him. They walked down a short, tiled hallway to another silver elevator door. Sharon inserted a key, there was a ding, and the doors opened. Chad did not step into the elevator immediately and instead waited to follow Sharon’s lead.

“Ah, he’s a smart one,” commented Sharon. The demon reached a hand to the other side of the door, flicking a switch. Spikes briefly shot out of the elevator ceiling and then retracted. “You’ll find plenty of little features like this scattered throughout the building. Available to you 24/7 of course.” Satisfied the trap had been disarmed, Sharon stepped into the service elevator and motioned for them to follow.

Chad stepped in, smelling the hot stink of decay and brimstone demons seemed to carry everywhere with them. In the cramped metal box, it was far worse than he could have imagined. The elevator shot skyward so fast that Chad felt he might be melted into the floor. Neither demon nor cherub seemed to mind. The little bastard floated in the middle of the elevator, somehow unaffected by its blinding ascent, fluttering happily.

“I think you’re really going to like this unit, Chad.” Sharon pushed an emergency stop button on the elevator and it screeched to a halt. The doors slid open, revealing a green-carpeted hallway with wooden doors on either side. Brass unit numbers had been tacked to the walls.

Chad darted out of the elevator before the demon had the chance to activate the spikes again.

Sharon chuckled. “Very clever indeed.”

The first thing Chad noticed was the silence in the hallway. While Hell was filled with the moaning of sinners in various states of decay and unrest, this building was quiet. “I can’t hear anything.” Chad snapped a finger at his ear to make sure the demon hadn’t deafened him.

“That’s right!” exclaimed Sharon. Full soundproofing of the walls helps immerse our tenants fully in their individual experiences. It’s a little quality of life change we think goes a long way.”

The cherub grinned. “What sort of immersion are we talking about for the units?”

“I think you’ll understand in a minute. This way.” Sharon led them down a long hallway and around a corner. They stopped in front of unit 412. Next to the door, there was a black scanning pad. Sharon knocked on the door. “Anyone in there?” He put a key in the door and peeked inside.

Chad craned his neck to see the interior, but saw nothing but grey, blank walls and a window on the far side. “Pretty plain,” he commented.

“Chad!” The cherub smacked the back of his head.

“Oh, don’t worry, I just wanted to check it was empty. Go ahead and put your palm to that scanner, Chad.”

The hairs on the back of Chad’s neck stood up. “Why?”

“Because the nice demon is asking you and you’re in Hell,” replied the cherub in what passed for a brusque tone.

Chad remembered the cherub’s warning about inspectors and reluctantly went to the door. He placed a palm flat against the scanner and felt heat as the laser moved back and forth. The panel flashed green and there was an audible click in the apartment door’s lock.

“Alright, all green, good to go in, Chad.”

Chad put his hand on the door handle and looked back at the demons. Sharon was grinning so widely that the emotion looked as though it might split his face in half. The cherub was floating anxiously, somewhere between elation and guilt. Chad turned the handle and pushed the door open.

The effect was immediate sensory overload. Smells wafted out of the apartment that transported him back. He walked in and heard his shoes clicking on the linoleum entryway. Immediately, he removed his shoes, knowing he wasn’t supposed to walk with them on the carpet. Oh no, he thought vaguely. The smell was hard to place. It was more of a feeling than a sense, and that feeling was love and a place that used to be home.

The walls of the hallway were covered in various pieces of art they had collected over the years. A wash of emotional pain swept over Chad as he remembered something, but it was just as quickly lost. As he stepped further into the apartment, he saw a table covered in textbooks. Some of those are mine, he thought.

Moments he hadn’t thought about in years came rushing back in a flood. He could see himself bent over the table, actually studying. What the hell happened? He wondered, knowing the memory was there, but just out of reach. Something was boiling on the stove. It smelled like chili, the kind she used to make before. Before what? He wondered.

The window at the back of the apartment looked out over one of Midway’s many lovely back alleys. Chad rounded the corner and saw her, standing over the stove, book in one hand, wooden spoon stirring with the other. Her hair fell in a tangled wave down to the small of her back. She was beautiful and Chad felt something he hadn’t felt in years, love. Not the love for drink, drugs, or other substances to avoid life, but genuine, pure love.

“Hey,” Chad started, unsure of how to continue.

She turned around and fixed him with those piercing green eyes. “Hey yourself. How was class?”

Chad looked on her face like he was seeing it for the first time. This can’t be real…

Just outside the apartment, Sharon and the cherub waited, watching a countdown timer on the door’s panel. It had started at five minutes and was counting down towards zero. “Now, this is one of the best examples of temporal interference we’ve got. You see, this particular unit latches on to a specific period of trauma, finds the best and worst moments about it, and recreates the experience. Five minutes to us will be about a week for Chad.”

“Fascinating,” breathed the cherub. “Don’t suppose there’s any way for us to see inside?”

“Oh don’t worry about that. We’ve got the whole room rigged up to cameras.” Sharon pulled up a feed on his tablet. Chad was currently wandering around a plain, grey-walled room, talking to himself.

“What’s happening?”

“Most traumas come on the heels of a time in one’s life that’s perceived as exceedingly positive, or at least remembered that way. Right now, Chad is experiencing that wonderful time again. For the first four minutes, or about six days in his time, he will live through that period, lulling him into a false sense of security. The program is made to make him completely forget about Hell. Then, when the timer hits zero, he will re-experience the trauma, only amplified beyond its original emotional impact.” Sharon beamed, proud of the technological terror they had created.

“Unbelievable.” The cherub rubbed his hands together. “This is truly incredible.”

“Thank you.” Sharon smiled. “The results can be quite explosive, let’s watch.”

It had been the most wonderful week of Chad’s life. He couldn’t remember a time when he had felt happier. Sure, he had been studying almost every night until he was falling asleep on top of the books, but it was worth it. Above all he was with her, and she made him feel like there was more to his life than the gutter he had crawled out of. Still, a nagging feeling had nested in the back of his brain, like he was forgetting something very important. Maybe he hadn’t read one of his chapters thoroughly enough.

He was turning back to his introductory biology textbook when the door to the apartment banged open. She walked in quickly, slamming the door behind her. Chad looked at her feet. She hadn’t bothered to take her shoes off. She always took her shoes off. Why wouldn’t she do it now?

“You just going to sit there looking at my feet like a fucking loser?” She asked in a singsong mocking tone. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, causing black lines of mascara to run.

Chad opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t find the words. His heart hammered in his chest and a pain took hold there like knives, swirling in his stomach.

“Nothing to say?” she asked.

“Are you mad?” he asked, dumbly, cursing the words as they came out of his mouth.

She fished around in her handbag and pulled out a small plastic bag filled with white powder. “I don’t know, Chad. I found this in our medicine cabinet last night. Care to tell me how it got there?”

Chad knew the bag immediately and felt hot shame flush his face. A week or two earlier, a friend had asked him if he wanted a little of the old timey help for his studies. Chad hadn’t wanted it but had also been failing. He had wanted anything to help him concentrate, help him live up to the image she had set for him.

“Do you remember what I said when we first got together?”

“It was the drugs or you,” he mumbled.

“That’s right, it was the drugs or me!” she screamed. “Well, this sure fucking looks like drugs.”

“I’m sorry.” Chad’s voice was so low that he could barely hear it.

“You’re fucking sorry? Well you’re going to be, I can tell you that, because this is your fault too.” She reached a shaking hand into her purse and pulled out a handgun.

“No, wait, DON’T!”

She put the gun to her jaw, pointed upward and pulled the trigger…

The cherub and Sharon watched the monitor. Chad ran around the room, bashing his head into the walls, screaming and leaving smears of blood. “Ooh, we must have found a particularly juicy memory to base this one off of. Not all the reactions are this good.”

Chad ran and jumped toward the window. He bounced off it.

“Shatter-proof?” asked the cherub, not hiding his disappointment.

“Well that wouldn’t be any fun.”

Chad jumped at the window again. It bowed outward and cracked slightly.

“It’s designed to give them a few tries before it breaks. Increases the physical pain so it cuts through the emotional agony. We really try to marry the two together. Oftentimes one is far greater than the other and we lose the beautiful duality they can have.”

Chad launched himself at the window a final time. The glass shattered outward. Sharon changed the camera feed to a wide angle pointed at the building’s exterior. They watched as Chad plummeted down the side of the structure. Gouts of blood spouted off him and he tumbled in a crazy spin. “We’ve got some razor thin wires strung across the outside of the building. Really gives the fall that cinematic quality.”

Chad’s body hit the ground sending a red spray out from beneath it.

The cherub clapped and gave a wolf whistle. “This is absolutely incredible. Wow, well done!”

At that moment, Chad appeared in the hallway behind them, still panting from the pain. Tears ran down his cheeks in a river. “Fuck the both of you.” Chad charged, and in a running jump, caught the cherub’s wings. He ripped and tore, trying to pull them free of the little shit’s body. “You little piece of garb—”

There was a line of sharp pain across Chad’s neck as Sharon pulled out a sword and swiftly decapitated him. The world tumbled in circles and Chad’s eyes twitched. Confusion swept through him in waves again before the world went ultimately black.

“So, shall I sign you up for our pre-leasing plan?” Sharon asked the cherub, smiling.