Sid

I am being haunted by Sid James, or, more likely, he's a hallucination. Like Humphry Bogart to Woody Allen in Play It Again Sam, or Elvis to Christian Slater in True Romance.

Funny thing, I don't even like Carry On movies. I've told Sid this in the hope that he would go away, but it didn't work.

'Hyuck hycuk hycuk,' laughs Sid. He never says anything useful. In Play It Again Sam and True Romance, Bogie and Elvis helped Woody and Christian along. In the comic book Preacher the hero Jessie Custer saw an imaginary John Wayne who encouraged Jessie through dark times. All Sid does is go 'hyuck hyuck hyuck' and leer at women.

And it's not as if Sid even leers at the type of girls I like.

I wish he'd go away.