Rain fall. 2nd edit.

By maisie

Sat, 02 Aug 2014
  • 1629 reads
7 comments
 

Rain fall.

 

I can write the rain.

Simple in small words.

Or can I make thunder roll-

or the lightening curve?

 

The music of the rain

deters the mad hot sun.

Let me lever the door open

and let in the daggers sharp.

 

That rend and tear my belly,

and scribble up words of spite.

Let out the demons of Denim

that stud tight the smaller hours.

 

Stitch me up in iron thread.

Gift me the whole hole – button.

I'm wishful willful in belief.

That rain will fall.

 

 

Certificate U
Poem
ElasticBand
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by maisie on

its beating me up for a comment. dont know why... lol

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Hydra on

'I can write the rain.

Simple in small words.'

Excellent lines. Every budding poet should keep these lines at the heart of all they write (IMO that is).

I'm not sure about the last stanza. It seems at odds with the rest of the poem. Then again, this poem hasn't entirely revealed itself to me yet so there may be things that will explain that in time.

But I like this poem. In fact, I shall press the 'like' link.

 

 

Submitted by maisie on

I appreciate your kind words its a first draft off your cuff poem, as I wanted desparately to write one.

awww.  I get like that some days.

 

 

 

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Bee on

I just love that second stanza Maisie, it's beautiful.

Bee

Submitted by maisie on

I like the middle two best - sometimes a first draft - works like that, the mind in agony, in gear, out of gear, cuts out, blinks batters its way into a walll.....   lol!   Thanks for liking the bit. :)

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Lovely images created with simplicity.  Reminds me of Japanese calligraphy - a few sweeps of a brush and a world is made.

Submitted by maisie on

Thank you Philip Sidney :) smiley

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!