poem

By mango

Fri, 07 Nov 2008
  • 599 reads
3 comments
 

i roar!

i roar i roar!
i see my man cub is hurt, so so hurt!
i roar again and again.
drawing up
i roar i roar and roared again
slicing the very air with my murderously
sharp claws
WHY! i roar again!

inflamed with and incredible anger that
threatens to destroy mother earth
i sink my murderous claws into her
ripping, tearing, braking and destroying
her life forms.
"CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PAIN MY MAN CUB IS BLEEDING?!
once again i sink my murderous claws into
mother earth,
causing a great cessation of all the waters,
clawing the trees and all other life forms,
i roar roar roar in great anger
again and again.

man cub flays at me, trying to re-enter
my womb.
a dark warm secure place.
man cub pleads!
"mummy, why does it hurt?
"what did i do? WHY?
"why did they hurt me?
bleeding tears, man cub pleads again!
"mummy, why?
"why must they hurt me?

the very air stills as i inhale my incerdilous
anger.
expanding my size to 10 times larger,
i roar an almighty roar,
so loud loud loud louder stil.
the aftershock shifts the moon, stars.
mother earth begins to mourn in pain.
i come down with a thunderous thud,
rearing again, i swipe the air into tiny
confused fragments.
man cub lays almost dead,
bleeding tears.

i roar again, and almighty roar,
this time the solar system shifts
to avoid the next aftershock.
again i bring down with a thundeours
thud,
releasing a piercing scream.
spiting mother earths protective sphere.
sinking my claws into her surface,
scalping her, she bleeds in horrified pain!
as her sister, nature is torn apart!

i roar roar roar louder still,
"who has hurt my man cub?
again, i sink my claws into mother earth,
scalping her,
bringing her to a crushin, terrified halt,
an agonising scream escapes her!

i do hear her!

in the throws of my incerdilous anger,
i rach up to the moons + stars in the
sky,
shifting them out of their very orbits,
sending them crashing to parts of the
solar system not yet discovered!

darkness falls.
i roar louder, still louder, louder!
"can you not see the pain my man cub is bleeding?
with on last almighty roar,
i decrease my size.

ssssshhhhhhh........
a dim glow sorrounds us both.
i lay spent
looking down at man cub,
tears unable to flow,i
i gather man cub in my arms,
licking his wounds ever so gently,
i listen to his heart beat,
man cub dreams
twitching, he fights back in his dream,
he fights back
he fights back.......

sssshhhhh..... he sleeps

Certificate 18
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by littleditty on
well mango -this is certainly powerfully descriptive, of what exactly...well, there are a few ideas floating around, but the roar, and that of a woman, is a roar that in some ways i can relate to! Interesting to read, thanks.

 

Submitted by Bradene on
I'm thinking there is a good story hidden in this poem. As it is, it is too rambling. There is anger, hate, love, gentleness. It needs editing down stop repeating yourself tighten it up and think about the words you want to keep to maintain all the emotions and show the reader rather than tell the story. You could have a good poem in a quarter of this as it is. What you have now is too distracting for the reader, you lose their attention. Edit it down and re-sub it and I bet you will get a different response. It has great potential. Val

Submitted by jennifer on
I agree with Val. In fact, I did not read the whole thing - you lost your reader in the multitude of words! Poetry = the ability of the writer to express in few words what others cannot in many.