After Life Alert

There have been some recent changes in the terms and conditions of several of the major Afterlife destinations and these are addressed later.

This alert is primarily to make Christians aware of a fundamental alteration to the Christian death default clause.

In the past the Christian default on death was that the deceased would be considered as applying for domicile in Heaven - however, as those who keep in touch via ‘Heavenly Matters’ will already be aware...

Heaven is almost completely full and as most of the remaining places are already ‘booked’ and consequently it has been decided that the Christian default destination will no longer be Heaven.

NB. Those Christians who have committed murder or actively supported wars (in which many innocent civilians were killed) even if only from their own armchairs, will no longer be allowed domicile in any of the GOD Inc. destinations...
but those who are not claimed by D’ Evil Inc. may well be accepted by Buddha Unlimited (for domicile in destinations other than Nirvana) and it may be possible for them to exchange their Grace Credits for Karma Coupons.

Also, those who maintained in life that they did not believe in God will no longer be considered for destinations run by GOD inc. and it will no longer be possible for them to transfer their Grace Credits to another soul...
(should they have earned any).

For those mentioned above who do not qualify for a God Inc. Destination but who are accepted by Buddha it is occasionally possible to arrange visits for past friends and family if they wish and have sufficient credit.
NB. Grace Credits cannot be earned after death!

Here is a short list of the more popular alternative destinations.

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Machine World.
This will probably come as good news to many Christian Scientists who were afraid that all their loved ones would go to Heaven and they would be forced to spend Eternity with a bunch of geeks.

Machine World has been recently upgraded with longer range flying cars (although this has meant they tend to be slower) the number of 5D SciFi channels has been vastly increased and the artificial sun has been made far more realistic.

The ‘Enclosure force field’ has been greatly extended so that it is now possible to visit the artificial moon and the ‘Space Simulation Stations’ have now been fitted with anti-gravity pools for realistic Space Walking.
Special contact lenses are available to give that ‘retro’ ‘polluted skies look’ that helps make the experience more realistic. All in all, Machine world is the perfect place for those who wish to experience the Universe from the comfort of their computer console - or, for those energetic enough to visit the ‘reality experience’ that is currently supplied by the ‘Space Simulation Stations’…

A huge library of Knowledge is online which details almost all the available data on the Machine World Simulation but since the knowledge of the residents is immersed within the simulation they have no idea that it is not ’real’ allowing the dedicated scientist to spend Eternity dreaming up ever more elaborate theories about what and why reality is.

With the delicious creations available thanks to the advanced hydroponics the food tastes almost as good as the real thing did in life. For those who tire of the ceaseless search for more power or the answer to the Universe and everything there are fully licensed ‘Drug Dens’ where a wide variety of synthetic psychedelic experiences can be electronically induced within the suitably sensitised soul.
Various Techno types of music and hardware video is widely available and can be beamed directly to you at any time
All in all a perfect choice for those who wish to spend their existence searching for answers.

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Sex World.
Not much new here but it still seems to appeal to many.

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Game World.
A favourite with those who never really understood life and so spent most of their lives trying to win. Their default game in life was usually ‘Survival’ but for those who preferred the stakes a little less severe ‘Money’ or its relatives like ‘Fame’ and ‘Success’ were very popular.

Much the same games are played in Game World with slightly different rules.
‘Survival’ for instance is pretty much guaranteed when you are dead already and so the penalty for the losers is to have a ‘Soul Wash’ which simply washes away all the past memories of the loser and in effect returns the loser to a similar state to a new arrival.
Curiously, it seems that many players end up playing ’Survival’ and deliberately losing to relieve the boredom of an eternity playing games.

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Pub World

The only real advantage of this world is that most of its inhabitants have not noticed any difference.

I always said it was a mistake to change wine into the blood of Christ...
milk would have been so much better (safe as milk).