FAT'S QUITE ENOUGH LADIES!

HUNGRY PROTESTORS DESCENDED ON LONDON'S STREETS TODAY armed with crisps, chips and chocolate as part of a campaign against what they describe as social conditioning by the fashion,cosmetic and advertising industries. Gathering outside the headquarters of the government's Healthy Plus Centre they stuffed pastries while chanting pro-food slogans. The group claim that extreme diets recently popularised by celebs encourage women to exist on less than 1000 calories daily; records from WWII concentration camps suggest that some prisoners survived on 900 calories.

However, the group were slammed by MP David Trifle: ”With the rising epidemic of obesity, the financial crisis,and the global threat of Terror we should be all be cutting back, not indulging in hedonism of this sort...Austerity is a watchword in the current climate.”

The group, Hungry And Angry (HAA) are thought to be made up of the unemployed, students, convicted criminals, Gypsies and Liberal types. HAA has also been linked to extremist groups, reports which have been denied. Spokesperson for the group, Ms Galoshes said “ We are here today to speak out against the systematic and calculated brainwashing of women.” A source close to the scene reports: “They looked like they were having a party”.

Mr Gaunt from a government think-tank, comments: “This group is sending out the message that it is fine for women to eat whatever they like and...enjoy food without guilt...This is clearly unacceptable.” He continued “Every society in the world has clearly defined boundaries about the roles and expectations given to members of that society.” (See page 3)

Our own health correspondent Dr Battenburg responded: “Increased calorie intake carries risk of heart disease, cancers, stroke, sudden death and loss of circulation to fingers and toes. Women quite literally risk their digits dropping off.” “This sort of behaviour also induces psychosis...hospital beds should be reserved for the truly sick and needy...and sadly, we may see a return to 19th century asylums” He added.

The protest remained largely peaceful until sausage rolls and cream buns were used as missiles. Several arrests were made under anti-terrorism laws and a number of the pastries were confiscated by police for forensic examination. One woman was detained under Public Decency laws for making lewd gestures with a packet of Cheese Puffs. The unnamed woman declined to comment on her arrest.

For Editor's Say, see page 20.