what isn't happening
By martin_t
Fri, 25 Jan 2008
- 1077 reads
6 comments
I like it
when
an unrequited love visits me
in my dreams
I get to hold her and that
even get
naked
with her
which is nice
but, we never
you know
actually do it
do the do
do the sex
that never happens
does it
the dream reflecting
life
I know it is a
dream
because I get to carry cars
as if they were
suitcases
and go on
impossible bus journeys
like in the movies
but not like that one
on the bus when the
bomb
went off if the bus went a
bit
slow
- Log in to post comments
Comments
I really liked the wistful
Permalink Submitted by Margharita on
I really liked the wistful tone of this, but I'm not sure about the final few lines of the last stanza. It made me smile but it felt as though the poem just sort of dropped away. Otherwise, I enjoyed it very much.
- Log in to post comments
This is only a poem by
Permalink Submitted by blackjack-davey on
This is only a poem by virtue of it being broken up into stanzas and single line sentences - it could just as well be prose
The last verse was a bit like Private Eye's scribbler E J Thribb - it seems tacked on and not in keeping with the rest of the poem.
- Log in to post comments
'a bit like Private Eye's
'a bit like Private Eye's scribbler E J Thribb'
Well, yes... but I think it depends whether you believe the wistful/naive tone is a deliberate trope. I give the writer the benefit of the doubt myself.
Whether or no... you are a tough critic blackjack-davey.
- Log in to post comments
Yes, martin_t, I'm in your
Yes, martin_t, I'm in your camp. I would go further: it's a poem because the writer says it is.
Regards Ewan
- Log in to post comments
Single line words can be
Permalink Submitted by blackjack-davey on
Single line words can be effective but can be overused to elicit an emotional response:
Lying in bed last night
Dreamt you clutched my
Balls so tight
Michael Barrymore said
'Alwight?'
Is anyone
ever
'alwight?'
- Log in to post comments