whispers.

Everything seemed perfect. It is not. I am strong. To everyone else they think I am. I am in control. Someone all powerful controls me. I had a strong mind. That was a lifetime away. On the surface I have everything. I have nothing. Yes, I have a ‘past’ that is because of him. That ‘past’ has held be back. He has held me back. It is OK because I love him, and would do anything for him. I have been told, “He does not love you!” After SO many years, I do not know my own mind. Every single thing I do, I do it because he tells me to. My beautiful children love him, they only see the good in him and as hard as I try, they see nothing good in me. He controls them, too. My life is hell, no joy, no hope, no peace, no way out. Those who know about us, those in authority, don’t help me. All the ‘accidents’ that I have had, I lie and tell them, “It is my fault, I fell down the stairs, I bumped into a post.” You would think they would be trained in all the clichés, but clearly not. Many of us slip through the nets each week and end up dead! This past week has been, one of my worst. I have feared for my life. Those in authority came to our home, because many neighbours rang, 999! Nothing was done, they again left, and left me to my fate. I don’t know how much longer I can take, I have tried to keep a low profile, and always make sure I look my best, with make-up, sunglasses, but this past week, the neighbours know a lot more than they did the week before. From now on they know why the make-up, why the sunglasses, and why I sometimes look nervous. Hopefully they will keep a look out for me now, they ‘know’ and I know now they ‘know.’ I am extremely embarrassed. I am not aware that I am a statistic, but I am. I don’t know how my Story will end. I have given you a tiny insight, into my life, I have crammed many decades into a few lines. Will he change? Not till hell freezes over! Until then, I will keep my eyes down, and speak when I am told, and in whispers.