Officer Jim.

“Going somewhere ?”
The question stopped Jimmy in his tracks, which at this particular moment were creeping halfway down the stairs.
“I told you, you’re grounded. Now get back to your room.”
Jimmy turned around with a groan and stomped back to his room, slamming the door behind him.
“And you’ll pay for that door if you break it.”
“Anyone would think I’d done it on purpose.” Jimmy yelled at his bedroom door.
Of course he hadn’t intended the bath to overflow. He’d only gone back to his bedroom to change his Action Man from commando fatigues into his diving suit.
One thing led to another and half an hour later, in the middle of a midnight raid on a German arms depot, his mother screamed up the stairs at him like a German Stuka bomber in a death dive.
The arms depot would have to wait. Right now, there was water pouring down the kitchen walls and the enemy was approaching at lightning speed.

The door burst open and Royal Marine Commanding Officer Jimmy Griggs was grabbed by the ear and dragged into the bathroom by his mum.
“Look at this. What do you think you’re playing at ? screamed the commandant as she paddled ankle deep in water.
“Commandos.” said Officer Jim honestly.
“Don’t get flippant.” said the commandant, pulling the bath plug chain which came away minus the plug.
“Now look what you’ve made me do.”
“Sorry.” said the helpless officer, as he prepared himself for the firing squad.
“Sorry. What good’s sorry ?” demanded the commandant, now up to her shoulder in water as she tried to pull the plug from the plughole.
“Sorry isn’t going to stick the kitchen wallpaper back on is it ?
It looks like a Brazilian rain forest down there.”
“Sorry.” said Officer Jim again. He was tough. Name, rank and number. That’s all she’d get from him.
“Oh, go to your room you stupid boy." ordered the commandant. And stay there until your father gets home."
“Oh no. The S.S. Now I’m for it.” thought Jim as the guard slammed the door on his tiny cell.

He pondered his fate as he sat on the edge of his bare metal framed bunk. Bought from MFI with a free Wayne Rooney duvet.
“There’s something big happening tonight and I’ve got to get supplies. No time to build a plane and I can’t tunnel out.”
“Why not.” asked Sergeant Arnie Scharzennegger from his poster perched on the wall.
Jim turned around to see his fellow prisoner.
“Because we’re on the first floor.” he sneered.
“So what.” said Arnie. “It’s never stopped me.”
“Impossible.” Jim dismissed him with a wave of his hand.
“Listen. Nothing is impossible if you really believe in it. Take a look under the bed.”
Jim fell to his knees and looked under the bed.
There was nothing there except dust and a Mechano set.
“Obviously suffering from jail fever.” thought Jim, getting to his feet.
“From now on I’ll decide how we’re going to escape.” he said, taking command.
“And it’s going to have to be the stairs.”

He went to the door and slowly tried the handle.
“Ha. The incompetent guard has forgotten to lock it.”
He put his ear to the crack and listened, before creeping to the top of the stairs.
He stopped and listened again.
“No one about. Let’s go.” He whispered to his sergeant.
“You’re on your own soldier.” said Arnie. I’ll cover for you.”
“See you back in Blighty.” said Officer Jim.
“I’m a Yank,” said Arnie
“Whatever.” Said Jim as he disappeared slowly down the stairs.

He was halfway to freedom when his foot found the cunning booby trap.
A creaking step. Dastardly.
The commandant came running with all guns blazing. Jim ducked the bullets and ran back to his cell.
“Back to the drawing board eh.” laughed Arnie.
Jim lost his temper and threw a plasticine stun grenade at the sergeant.
The big man didn’t flinch. He was hard as nails.
“Don’t laugh yet.” said Jim angrily.
“I know a secret way out of here. It’s dangerous but I’ll have to try it.
Jim went to the window. Two years ago, the S.S. chief built an extension to the guard’s quarters. He said they needed more space and comfort. Typically, it didn’t include the cells. The extension stopped below the cell window.
Jim squeezed through the bars and stepped onto the roof below. He’d done this many times before, but only when the Commandant had been out shopping.
He turned to Sergeant Schwarzenegger through the bars and saluted.
“I’ll be back.” He said bravely.
“Hey, that’s my line.” said Arnie. But Officer Jim was gone.
The devious guards had laid another booby trap on the roof. Loose chippings that crunched underfoot, alerting them to any escape attempt.
Officer Jim wouldn’t be deterred. He placed each foot as gently as possible until he reached the edge of the roof and looked over.
There was a three thousand foot drop to the water butt below. He backed over the edge and climbed down the sheer cliff face. His foot settled on the water butt below.
He had long legs.
“Made it.” he thought triumphantly, just as a sharp pain seared and burned his backside. He turned around to see the commandant holding a smoking flame thrower, cunningly disguised as an oven glove.
“Back the way you came.” she ordered.
The Officer couldn’t refuse. He’d be fried alive if he took another step. And once he was cooked, the snarling guard dog, straining at the leash would have him for dinner. It was looking particularly vicious today. It had just been clipped and fitted with a tartan coat.

Back in the cells, Arnie saluted sarcastically.
“Back so soon ?”
“I’m not finished yet.” said Jim.
“What about my tunnel now then ?”
“Shut up about your tunnel.” Jim shouted angrily.
“There’s one last chance. It’s all or nothing.”
He tried the cell door again. It was still unlocked.
“Very careless.” he thought.
He opened the door. Not so careless after all.
The snarling slavering guard dog had been placed at the top of the stairs.
It wagged its tail and dared the prisoner to make a run for it.
“You’re going to have to see to this dog.” Jim said to his sergeant.
“Leave him to me.” said Arnie, cracking his knuckles.
Jim opened the door again and called the dog.
It came bounding into the cell, scenting blood, or a good rough and tumble.
Jim sidestepped the beast and quickly closed the door from the outside.
There was a muffled yelp from behind the door and the dog fell silent.
Jim smiled cynically to himself.
“Good old Arnie.”

Jim crept along the prison landing, hugging the wall to avoid any more booby traps.
In an instant he was in the lions den. The warder’s dormitory.
“No bars on this window.” he thought.
“Just a great big juicy tree outside.”
He climbed through the window and reached for a sturdy branch, before easing himself silently into the tree.
He knew every hand and foothold by heart. He’d spent many happy hours with this old friend before the war.
He was on the ground in no time. Now he had to get past the main gate house.
A chill went through his body as he heard the commandant’s voice from inside the prison cook house.
“Jimmy, I’m going next door for some drawing pins and glue. Stay in your room.”
Before he had chance to hide, she stepped out of the reinforced door and came face to face with the prisoner she thought she’d just left behind.
“Hello.” said the officer jauntily.

Back in his cell, the door slammed shut.
If he opened it again he’d be shot.
He lay on his bunk and stared at the ceiling.
Britney Spears looked back and blew him a saucy kiss.
“That’s it then. It’s all over.”
“What about my tunnel ?” insisted Arnie.
Jimmy pulled an ouzi from his sock and sprayed the sarge.
“Nothing for it now but to sit and wait.”

An eternity later, Jimmy’s heart pounded as he heard the executioners armoured car arrive.
He fell to the floor and pressed his ear to the bare boards. He could hear muffled voices planning how to finish him off.
The talking stopped.
“Just like the engine of a doodlebug.” Jim thought.
Followed by the accelerating whine as it fell to the ground. Footsteps slowly climbed the stairs. The rattle of keys. The cell door handle turned. The door creaked open.
Herr Pater stepped inside and closed the door.
He walked in sinister silence to the bunk and sat down, crushing Wayne Rooney’s metatarsal as he did so.
“Come out.” he said to the empty room.
The officer stopped looking for the tunnel and came out from under the bed.
“I hear you’ve been a bit naughty.” said Herr Pater in perfect English.
The officer hung his head and cried defiantly.
“Never mind.” said the S.S. chief, putting his luger away.
“I was going to decorate the kitchen anyway. Did you get it ?”
Jimmy dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of English banknotes.
Herr Pater’s face turned ashen.
“I couldn’t. I tried, honest.”
Jimmy handed over the money and explained.
The commandant’s voice came from the mess room below.
“Dinner’s on the table. Come and get it. Now.”
The S.S. chief ruffled the prisoner’s hair.
“Never mind. he said. You did your best.”

As they sat around the table in silence, Jimmy felt as though he was at his last supper.
By the end of the bread and water, the atmosphere was icy.
The two guards appeared to have had a row.
“Couldn’t they agree how to finish him off ?”
The weevil infested biscuits arrived. Jimmy had barely eaten six before the tension broke.
“You’ve forgotten haven’t you ?”
The commandant looked daggers at the S. S. chief.
“Forgotten what dear.” he said, feigning innocence.
Jimmy sank lower into his chair to avoid the gunfire.
“My birthday.” said the irate commandant, slamming her cup to the table.
“Oh that. No, I didn’t forget.”
“Where’s my present then ?”
Jimmy searched for the cyanide capsule beneath the table. It wasn’t there.
The guard dog had already taken it and gone outside to hide.
“Remember that watch you were admiring ?” said the S.S. chief.
The commandants voice softened.
“Oh you haven’t ?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You mean…..”
“And it’s all your fault.”
“My fault ?”
“Yes. This morning, I gave Jimmy the money and asked him to go and get it.
But you wouldn’t let him out of the house.”
The warders looked at the prisoner. He’d gone.
There was a yell from the cell block above.
Had he thwarted their evil plans for him ?
The warders raced upstairs.
Jimmy stood holding a beautiful gold watch.
“You did get it.” said the commandant, hugging the prisoner and putting on the watch.
“You rotten tease.” she said, kissing the S.S. chief.
Herr Pater gave a puzzled look towards the prisoner.
The prisoner shrugged his shoulders and gave a puzzled look back.
Sergeant Schwarzenegger, caught the prisoners eye, leaned on his dirty shovel, and winked.

End.