The Apocalypse

I was fairly sure this was the Apocalypse
earthquakes, tidal waves, the leaders of nations going nuts
and have you noticed how windy it's been lately.
Birds are falling from the sky in Connecticut
and next it will be the sky
bellyflopping onto us.

That's why I've been walking up and down the road
wearing my The End is Nigh sandwich board
ringing my bell.
'And don't even start me on Osama' I say to a man who stops me
to shake my hand.

'What else are the US government keeping from us?'
I shout through a megaphone, asking passers by
to sign my clipboard if they agree that those Twin Towers
crumpled suspiciously,
that the flags were blowing the wrong way
on the 'footage of the moon landings.'

Planets will align into the shape of a cross
there will be rivers of blood,
'We're all in this together!'
I tell a guy who knows what I'm talking about
We agree it will be seminal,
like Hendrix at Woodstock,
that out of all the people who have ever lived, we are the chosen ones
to be around when the world crumbles like an Oxo cube.
It makes up for being too young for the cinema release
of Return of the Jedi.

'The dead will rise from their graves,' I tell an old lady
who is interested in the pamphlets I am handing out at the cemetery.
'Are you sure?' she asks
and I catch a reflection of myself in her sunglasses
with my sandwich board and bell
and realise I want Armageddon a bit too much
it would be convenient
tie up a few loose ends
and I could persuade myself something huge was imminent
if it hadn't been for that bloody Apocalypse.