Drinking Diet Pepsi

When I left the house this morning I was so nervous I couldn't tie
my shoelaces. I was meeting Mia at 3pm by the statue of a horse in
town. The one where people go to meet their girlfriends. She's not my
girlfriend, just a girl I met in a club called Butterfly when I was
drunk.

On the hour, every hour the benches by the statue of the horse bustle
with people patiently waiting, but by five past it is normally quiet
again with couples walking off hand in hand down each of the streets
leading away from the horse, with just a few people remaining,
constantly checking for the time and for text messages. It is 2.50pm
and I sit watching every person intently, wondering when Mia is going
to show up. Every time a girl with long blonde hair walks past I
nervously study them closely, which is silly because Mia has got short
brown hair. At 3.10pm there are just two people stood by the statue.
One of them is a teenaged boy with his skateboard.

The other is Mia.

I can see her reaching into her bag and picking out her mobile.

I am sat by the window in the caf? section on the second floor of a
department store. I can see the statue from where I sit, drinking Diet
Pepsi. I drink Diet Pepsi because proper Pepsi makes your teeth
horrible. My phone starts ringing and her name flashes on the screen.
Waltzing Matilda plays, a ringtone which I especially assigned to her
number. I don't answer it, I just let it ring, watching her walking
around, waiting to talk to me. I want to hurl my phone on the floor and
smash into a thousand tiny pieces and pick each piece up and smash them
up into a thousand more little pieces until my fingers bleed.

I'd like to go outside and meet her and walk somewhere with her and eat
ice cream and hold her hand and kiss her but I am scared that she
doesn't want to hold hands and kiss me so I stay where I am and just
watch her.

People sitting outside on benches near the statue are talking loudly
and laughing and I want to get a bucket of water and throw it over them
but I don't have any water or a bucket and I don't know how this type
of window opens because it's so big. My phone starts ringing Waltzing
Matilda again but only for a couple of seconds and then I see her put
her phone back in her bag and she walks quickly down one of the
streets, the one where there's an electrical shop where I bought a
radio once.

Even though I have still got half of my Diet Pepsi to drink I leave it
on the table and walk to the escalator but then I change my mind and
pick the drink up and take it out of the shop with me but I forget the
straw. Even though it's Pepsi the girl behind the counter still put it
in a Coca Cola cup.

I walk past the statue of the horse and the boy on the skateboard and I
go down the same street as Mia. It is a long street and I can't see her
so I run a little bit but then get tired and stop to light a cigarette.
You shouldn't smoke cigarettes because they make your teeth yellow. I
walk quickly and I can see her so I switch my phone off in case she
phones me again and hears it ringing because then she'd know I'm behind
her and I don't want her to know I'm behind her.

Mia is Belgian but speaks very good English because her dad is one. I
don't remember giving her my mobile number that night in Butterfly but
I must have done because she's got it and she must have given me hers
because I've got that too. I was in Butterfly with my friend Toby but
he had to leave early, that's why I was sitting by myself. I wasn't
really with him but that's what I told her because I didn't want her to
think I was in a club on my own even though I was.

I used to have a friend called Toby but he doesn't come to see me any
more.

After I told Mia that about Toby she told me she was with some friends
from work and she pointed at them and they waved so I waved back and
then we kissed with tongues.

Mia stops to cross the road by the traffic lights so I go down a side
street and sit on the floor and try to curl into a ball so she doesn't
see me. I'd like to be able to crawl into a ball and go to sleep and
wake up months later and it is sunny. A man walks past me giving me a
funny look and I get scared he's going to hurt me. I want to run after
him and punch him in the face but I've got pins and needles in my left
foot so I don't. When he's far away I get up and run across the road
after Mia even though there isn't a green man.

I've never been down this road before, it's a residential area where
rich people live with Ford Mondeos and gardens. She isn't very far in
front of me because I ran too fast so I start walking slowly and stare
at the pavement until she gets further away.

She is wearing a white flowing skirt and a tight top with thin straps
and I hope it rains so her arms get wet but then I'd get wet too. I
start to get sad that I am walking by myself when she looks so nice in
her white skirt and I like her hair and want to be with her. I realise
I am talking out loud to myself so I stop where I am and get a piece of
paper out of my pocket which is the receipt for my Pepsi and I go to a
red post box and pretend it's a letter and that I'm posting it. I want
to lift the letterbox off the ground and throw it through somebody's
window but it's connected to the pavement.

A man rides past me on a bike and I don't like him so I want to push
him so he falls off and hurts himself. I wonder why he is looking at me
but then I realise I am punching myself on the arm so I stop in case my
shoulder comes out of its socket because that can happen.

Mia stops outside a semi detached house, gets some keys out of her bag
and lets herself in through the green door. Once she is inside I sit in
the front garden and wonder if she will see me through the
window.

A man walks past and looks at me. I get scared he's going to hurt me. I
look at her house and want to smash every window and I want to get my
car keys out and scrape them across her car, but I haven't got any car
keys because I can't drive. The man who walked past me looks over his
shoulder at me again. I want to throw something really heavy against
something really big so that it makes a noise and everyone turns around
to see what the noise was and it was me. Somebody is looking at me from
a window in the house across the road and if they open the door and
come out I'm going to run away.

Once somebody asked me if I had a cigarette and I said no so they
punched me in the face and kicked me in the willy and I was sick in a
wheely bin and didn't leave my house for three months.