Drunk Groom

It will not surprise you to learn
he is no longer wearing his little dickie bow
he took that off before he’d even eaten his soup
and he completely unbuttoned his shirt for the photograph
of him with his mates from uni and his mother in law’s mother
and all the barstaff
during the wella wella wella oomph of the Grease medley.

All those nights in Chicago Rock Café hoping there might be a fittie
chatting up girls in bookshops
because he’d read once that that’s a thing people do
have accumulated in this military operation uniting two families
the best days of their lives they keep saying
on the lawn
drinking Pymms with the Beacocks.

And he knew that as he was saying I do
Gordon, a man with a van was moving everything to their new home
he was getting two grand to do the joblot
and it meant that when they got back from the honeymoon suite the next morning
they could head straight back to their new place
a happily married couple.
This was it. Wella wella wella oomph

Which is why no-one minded that all evening
his breath smelled a bit of puke
that he smashed a champagne flute and didn’t tell anyone
and both bridesmaids cut their feet
he kept grabbing people on the dance floor
his new woozy wife having a cigarette outside
as the guests on the dancefloor decided a one man conga
isn’t a conga.
It means it's time to go home.