The former president of the German Central Bank

Why don’t we all just pretend
money is infinite and we can all have what we want.
I said that as a joke in a pub once
then couldn’t get to sleep that night thinking about it.

I get so baffled by terminology
Recently on Radio 4 I heard an interview
with the former President of the German Central Bank
and the Governor of the Bank of France
and I thought
Why don’t we all just piss about
remind ourselves life is short and while we’re here
we may as well just all have loads of stuff.

People are very sensible when you place trust in them.
in pubs where the pool table is free
we don’t all queue up to play pool.
most of the time it’s empty.
Things take on a new meaning.

My friend Nelson goes out every day
feeding the ducks at the pond near the old Woolworths;
he’s worked something out that the rest of us haven’t.

My knowledge of the Summer of Love is limited.
All I know is that it was in the eighties
but surely they had the right idea
holding hands and playing our keytars

Yet still on the six o’clock news people are crowbarring each other’s eyeballs out
because they think this and they think that
and we can’t all say “From today, every piece of paper is a John Lewis voucher”
and suddenly we’ve all got a Dyson.
It’s hard to be angry at the world when you’ve got a dyson.

Why can’t we say from now on
all money counts double.
all debts are wiped.
we’ll start from scratch.
Shops should accept photocopies fivers
because the world economy right now is like when everyone’s bored playing Monopoly.

All we need is a few nice billionaires to put their hands in their pockets.
Give a little love
they’d get a little glow inside.

The cock-a-hoop homeless man at the recycling bin. ‘I won’t be needing this piece of cardboard anymore. I’ve got an ensuite at this eccentrics house.
He’s teaching me how to read. Bought me an electric toothbrush.
Turns out he’s grateful to have the company.'