Michael Owen's cheeky accumalator

I have seen Michael Owen in Ladbrokes
and when his horse came in he pocketed
a few hundred quid
as nonchalantly as if it was a bookies pen.

Michael, I don't understand why you gamble
I don't know how much you earned at Liverpool
and Real Madrid and in your sponsorship deals with Umbro
and Jaguar and Pro Evolution Soccer

and Persil and as the face of Nestle Sporteese
but I guess you earn more in a year
than everyone in my cul de sac, put together
earn in a lifetime.

So I don't understand why I saw you the other day
at Victoria station
at the bottom of the escalators
and although it was impresive to see you with a mouth organ

and a guitar, and cowbells on your shoes
and a drumkit on your back
but do you really need loose change
from commuters and tourists?

We all saw you on Deal or no Deal
why did you go on that?
You were in disguise wearing a big bushy beard
and we could all see the elastic holding it on
and we felt bad for you at first,
but there was something about the smug way

you kept saying 'No deal, Noel'
that turned the studio audience against you.
You just love to gamble
and I guess life must be hard if you achieved all your dreams
when you were eighteen.
Your problem is you peaked in your teens
like Ultimate Kaos and Hanson.
It must be hard to recreate the euphoria

of when you scored that goal against Argentina
and the whole of England assumed
you were going to win the World Cup on your own
but when the rest of the country were cheering you on

immediately I worried about your hamstrings
I thought a boy who can run that fast is going to have trouble with his knees
and how I wish I had been wrong.
I guess it must be hard to accept that
life will never be as exciting
as when you were scoring hatricks at Anfield when you were seventeen
40,000 people singing your name

so I feel for you. Your life peaked far too young
like Li'l Chris and Macauley Culkin
when you signed for Real Madrid you were like Kevin McAllister
lost in New York.
Ever since that goal in the 98 World Cup
you have been unable to find a new role
you were hopelessly miscast at Man City
and Newcastle
you're like a Shakespearian actor
who should be playing Lear
but is doing the voiceover for
Cowboy Builders from Hell
on Channel 5
you're been like Screech from Saved by the Bell
you want to get on with your life but people just want you to answer endless questions about Zac Morris
and Mr Belding.

I saw Michael Owen in the amusemant arcades in Great Yarmouth
there was no enjoyment on his face
when he won that massive Noddy
and I guess that's his life now, trying to find something

with meaning
because life is more than taking on four defenders and then scoring
once the crowd have gone home
and have stopped wearing your replica shirt
and the post match interviews are done
life can be boring

and when your horse comes in at Cheltenham
it doesn't matter how much you win
it won't make your Cruciate Ligaments any better.