Punch up in the Rovers

I've never thrown a drink in someone's face
but imagine it's as satisfying
as the time I scored an overhead kick
and high fived everyone on the pitch
including the referee
and a man walking his dog on the touchline
who I still see sometimes
and he always waves.

I have never screamed “You bitch”
and slapped someone leaving a big red mark
but am sure it will be like the day I made that cake
I hadn't planned to
I just found myself whisking flours and eggs
in a mixing bowl
preheating at 180 degrees
and two hours later I opened the door to plumes of smoke
a Victoria sponge
like a newborn
“I have baked you a cake” I said, standing on your doorstep.
like a visiting dignitary.

I have never punched anyone in the face
but if I did I'd wear the bruise on my knuckle
like the stamped logo of the Reggae Lounge
when I got in six nights in a row for free.
I think in the end the doorman knew what I was doing
he just wanted to be part of it.