Shenanigans - Part 2

By mcscraic

Sat, 29 Jun 2024

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Shenanigans

A Play By Paul McCann

Part 2

Continued

Tom-“ I’d be grateful if you could tell me what the problem is .“

Spud –“What did you say you name was ?”

Tom –“I’m the very reverend Father Thomas Dough from America “

Spud- “That will do then . Is that ok with you Curvey ?”

Curvey –“Sure enough . I’ll go with all that “

Spud- “But is he holy enough?”

Curvey -” He sounds as if he could be Spud ?”

Spud -“Will we tell him then ?”

Curvey –“Ok Spud go ahead then . You tell him .“

Spud –“ We want you to hear our very first ever holy confession .“

Tom-“ What ?”

Spud- “See we want to confess our sins before making our very first holy communion Father .“

Tom –“ When ?“

Spud –“When we make our first sin Father I suppose .“

Tom –“ So you haven’t actually sinned yet ?”

Curvey –“Oh no , not yet but you never know we could like .”

Tom- “Well boys the rule book says that if you haven’t sinned yet then I don’t need to hear your confession .“

Spud- (Pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket )Well Father I’ve made a list of the sins that I’d like to make if I get the chance and I was hoping you could have a look at some of them and forgive me before I do them .“

Tom –“Well it doesn’t work like that .“

Curvey –“ My Da said , if I couldn’t think of any sins then I could make up because that’s what he always did Father .

(Tom goes over to the suitcase and begins to look at the books and then he rummages through the drawers of the desk .)

What are you looking for Father ?”

Tom- “ Listen . Let me tell you boys . Sins are never easy . You can’t make them up or write them down . Sins are deliberate actions that ..”

Spud –“Go on , tell him Father . Give him a good lashing .“

Curvey –“ But our teacher told us sins are easy to make and harder to avoid and I heard this other fella say the bigger they are the harder they fall .“

Tom-“ You can’t listen to what everybody says boys ,sometimes you have to listen to what your conscience is telling you .“

Spud –“ But we want to be perfect when we receive holy communion .“

Tom –“ Perfect is a good thing to try to be but it’s much too hard .“

Curvey- “Is it easier if we make a good confession ?”

Tom –“What for sins you haven’t made ?”

Curvey-“What about for some sins we did make . Like huge big ones .“

Tom-“Some people think just because they go to confession that they can get away with murder but the thing is God can forgive but its another thing to repent and walk away from the kind if life you’re living and that’s not easy because old nick will want to keep a hold on you .“

Spud-“What do you mean Father ?”

Tom-“ I mean he’ll stop at nothing once he has a hold on your soul .”

Curvey-“Does he come out of the ground and grab you Father ?”

Tom-“Well he would break both your legs rather than have you walk to the church . He would throw up obstacles in front of you to keep you from getting to confession . He would strike you dumb if he could .“

Spud –“ Who would ?”

Curvey –“Nick . Are you listening . Maybe he’s made you deaf so you can’t hear what Father is saying .”

Spud-“ Maybe he is . Father say a prayer quick in case I’m going deaf .”

Tom-“Stop it . God loves you and can make you hear . If you want that is .“

Curvey-“Does God get tired of forgiving peoples sins Father ?”

Tom- “Never .“

Spud-“ So if I get stopped at a barricade I can ask God to help bring it down so I can get to church ?”

Tom –“That’s a little exaggerated Spud but he will always be there to help you get to church if you want to go “

Curvey –“ God’s like kind of special isn’t he ?”

Tom-“ That’s right Curvey .“

(All three jump in fright as suddenly the front door nearly bursts in and on stage a young lad runs in and stands there trying to catch his breath )

Curvey- “It’s Skiter, from the lower flats .”

Spud-“What’s eating you Skiter ?”

Skiter - “ Father come quick . There’s no time to waste .”

Tom-“In God’s name man what’s the matter ?”

Skiter “It’s Paddy Father . He’s just after running form his barn screaming in fear . Yelling like the suffering souls of hell itself he was .”

Tom _”What’s happened ?”

Skiter -“It’s a ghost Father .“

Tom-“A ghost ?”

Spud –“Oh come on quick I want to see the ghost .“

Curvey -“Me too lets go Father to see the ghost before it leaves .“

Tom-“Don’t be silly there’s no such things as ghosts .“

Skiter –“ The barn is haunted Father that’s all I can say and you better be bringing some holy water with you .”

Tom-“As far as I’m concerned , there’s only one ghost and that’s the holy ghost .“

Spud –“Can I come and watch you chase out the ghost Father .”

Curvey-“I want to see that as well . Can I help you Father chase the ghost away .”

Skiter-“I don’t think you boys should come . Its might be too much for you .“

(Any stage and house lights now are shut off to reveal darkness . During this time some music is played while the set is rearranged and adapted to look
like the insides of a barn . When the lights are turned back on there are four people standing there on stage . Tom Spud Curvey and Skiter . )

Skiter –“Well now Father this is the barn that I saw Paddy running oput of screaming about some ghost or devil “

Tom-“ Then we better exercise the barn .“

Spud –“We’ve got exercise books at school Father .”

Tom- (Reading from the holy book and sprinkling holy water around the barn)
”Dear Lord bless this barn and all in it from harm . “

Curvey-“Is exercise a good or bad thing ?”

Tom –“Quiet please . I’m doing the exercising . Gather around lads and make a circle . “

Skiter-“Father shouldn’t we do this exercising later on , like at midnight or something ? “

Tom-“Sure ghosts have no idea of time . They live in another world .“

Spud-“Then why are do they come around here haunting barns ?”

Tom-“Sussh , (Chanting a sort of monotone )Oh , ghost spirit of this barn why are you here among the living . You are dead and don’t belong with us . Leave this place and return to the dark pit of the abyss where you are from .“

(A dead pigeon falls from the rafters of the barn landing in Toms hands . Tom scrams and throws it to Spud who tosses it to Curvey followed by another scream . It’s Owen Burke who walks out from the shadows pushing his bike . He’s covered in soot from head to foot . As black as coal with only eyes and teeth visible . Curvey throws it at Owen who catches the bird and says )

Owen –“What in Gods name are you up to ?”

Spud –“ Ahh Jesus Mary and Joseph , it’s the ghost ?”

Owen –“Ah Jesus Mary and Joseph, don’t worry , its only me Owen Burke , the chimney sweep . “

Curvey-“Well Father he’s calling on the holy family Father . So it must be the holy ghost .“

Skiter-“It must be the ghost that scared Paddy .“

Spud -“ Send it Father quick back to where it belongs .“

Tom-”Well if it isn’t Owen with the blessed bike . What on Gods name are you doing here man ?”

Owen –“I’m on my way home after cleaning out the O’Connell’s chimney . I was feeling tired and sometimes I’d come in here to Paddy’s barn for a lie down before I go to the hill at Tully. I never thought I’d bump into Paddy but there he was and there was I . We both gave each other such a fright .
I went after him but he went scuttering out of here like a scalded cat .“

(Everybody has a good laugh for a moment )

Tom-“Skiter I think you better find Paddy and let him into the secret of the phantom chimney sweep or he won’t be home for a week .“

Skiter –“Sure enough Father I’ know where I’ll find him .“

Tom-“Well now as I’m here I may as well say a few prayers .“

Skiter –“ Forgive me Father I didn’t mean to drag you from the presbytery.‘

Spud –“Well at least you didn’t have to go through any barricades ?”

Skiter –“What are you on about ?”

Curvey –“ Skiter do you know old Nick makes it hard to be forgiven ?”

Skiter –“What are you talking about ?”

Tom-“Oh don’t trouble yourself Skiter .It’s first confession talk . “

Owen –“Well I’d love to say a talk but I’ve a meeting to attend .“

Tom-“It must be time for afternoon tea . If you want to join me at the presbytery you’re welcome . I’ll see you later .”