Cheese:The ultimate snackfood...

Say CHEESE!

Love it or loath it,cheese is totally delicious! Who was it that
thought that old
and solidified milk would be a tasty thing to eat at lunchtime? Was he
a friend
of the original pervert that first tugged on a cow's tits and drank
the
contents? I would have shaken him by the hand,although I would have
worn
gloves. It was a real controversial and revolutionary foodstuff in
those
days,but it's popularity has snowballed and now I can't imagine a bap
or a
salad without it!

Let's look at cheese in a little more depth!

If you compare it to other rotten foodstuffs such as blubber or
stockfish,cheese shows them all the door,whilst holding a piece of
gun-shaped
toast to their heads! Would you eat a bit of putrid sealfat in a warm
baguette
with salad and mayo? Er...I may have made it sound rather tasty
there,but
you would probably spend much of your lunchtime puking your ring if
you
actually tried to eat it,so please DON'T!

WARNING!

Be aware! There are some trickster cheeses out there,such as "Dick
Cheese"
and "Blue vein cheese",which will try to hoodwink you into eating the
sort of
thing that grows unchecked in your damp cellar! If you eat these
cheeses with
this varicose nonsense running through them,you will get a furry
tongue!

Etiquette and fun!

You should always be polite,and say, "Yes Please!" to the offer of
the
following cheeses! "Peppery cheese","Walnut cheese",anything
involving
onions or garlic and "Children's cheese"!

Children's cheese! What is that?

Children's cheese is fantastic! "Dairylea" triangles and "Cheese
strings" are
fun,milky, totally portable and annoy the hell out of the connaisseurs
of so
called "Fine Cheeses"! On the wrappers of children's cheese,you will
find
popular and fun characters such as "The Mr.Men", "Father Christmas"
and
"The Cheese string dude"...pulling his hair! Who do we find on the
packaging
of the "Fine Cheeses"? Such funsters as "Edward The Seventh",
"The
Thinker" and some serious scotsmen sitting down...in kilts. I'd rather
see a cow
having a damned good chuckle anyday! So there we are,it's a snack,it's
a
fashion statement,a way of life and a state of mind! Here's to one of
milk's
most popular by-products... CHEESE! The ultimate snack food...