The Most Awesome Story Ever

Warning: Contains explicit use of the word Awesome.

There once was a man who was awesome.
Everywhere he went people would bow down before his awesomeness.
"He's so awesome!" they'd cry.
"Hail the awesome one!" was another shout.
"His awesomeness rivals the awesomeness of even the most awesome!" was another thing they'd say.

One day, as a young lad, while staring at his awesome reflection in a pond, the Awesome One had a realization dawn upon him.

"My God," he whispered, "I'm totally awesome."

He then set out on a quest to perform feats of awesomeness for all the world to witness.

Every now and then a non believer would challenge him.

"I believe myself to be more awesome in standing!" he'd say.

The awesome warrior would simply laugh, and strike a pose.
The challenger would immediately be blown away by the force of the awesomeness.

"I wish I'd never doubted his awesomeness...!" the non believer would shriek, before being obliterated by the ray of awesomeness.

The Awesome One grew so awesome that he soon ascended to the height of political power.

Using his awesomeness as a tool, his country developed to become the most awesome country in the history of awesomeness.

But despite his awesomeness, the Awesome One grew sad.
For he had no one to share his awesomeness with.
Any woman who dared kiss the face of the Awesome One usually tended to spontaneously combust later due to overexposure of pure awesomeness.

The Awesome One was facing a seriously unawesome problem.

He declared a face off of all the most awesome women in the country.
Alas, none rivaled his own level of awesome.

Finally a lone woman approached him, wearing nonawesome clothes, and a nonawesome hairdo.

"Let me try, my Lord Awesome," she implored him.

The Awesome One was intrigued.

"What makes you so awesome that you believe you can stand alongside my awesomeness?" he asked.

The Unawesomely dressed woman replied: "Because I do not dress awesome, act awesome, or shop at awesomely expensive convenience stores. I am myself. And therefore am the most awesome of all."

The Awesome One was speechless. He fell upon his awesome hands, the impact of which created the grand canyon, and wept his awesome tears, which became the mississippi river. The Unawesomely dressed woman comforted him.

They were soon wed.
And the wedding...was awesome.

They went on to continue a legacy of awesomeness, which still stands as the most awesome display of awesomeness ever known in the world of awesomeness.

And they lived awesomely ever after.