Block

Cherry

By MistakenMagic

Mon, 15 Feb 2010
  • 3549 reads
17 comments
 

For EA

These walls are my own;
a stony, self-important membrane.

This is a ghetto of my making
and my hands have been crippled

by the frost. Fingers are stacked
as firewood. Or bodies.

My tongue fell hardest of all.
This muteness spreads inwards, anger

in smoke to riot the lungs.
But I see you peering at me

over my tall walls. Liberator.
And there is hope.

I want to write again.

Teach me.

Certificate U
Poem
Conversation With My Thirteen-Year-Old Self
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Some good imagery, here, Magic. Particularly like:- 'This is a ghetto of my making and my hands have been crippled by the frost... I think you seemed to have unblocked your block, admirably;-) Tina xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Tina! Glad you like those lines ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
I don't mind at all, Nathan! Steal away ;) Really glad you like this one! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by littleditty on
love this - can relate. (Its perhaps just a personal thing that i dont like similes much, so would snip the 'likes'- or maybe just one of them before 'anger'. It's a wonderful middle section to this piece -ace. Also, is there another word to replace 'spread' which goes better with the smoke idea? And what about the tense there? Just thoughts, I'll go now :Oo lol. enjoyed! My tongue fell hardest of all. This muteness filters inwards, anger in smoke to riot the lungs. But I see you peering at me over my tall walls. Liberator. And there is hope.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hey ld - agree with you about the similes and will change accordingly, but I'm a little more reluctant to let go of 'spreads' - I just like the assonance with 'inwards' and the alliteration with 'smoke'. I'll have a think about another word! I really appreciate your feedback ld so don't ever be afraid to let me know your suggestions ;) Magic xxx Edit: I wonder if you think 'seeps' would work well instead of 'spreads'?

 

Submitted by Beeme on
I really enjoyed this Magic, my favourite lines are; 'My tongue fell hardest of all. This muteness spreads inwards, anger in smoke to riot the lungs.' Adore the smoke imagery and the last lines are perfect for me. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Beeme! Glad you love that image. Yes, I think most writers can relate to the idea of a block - so I encourage you all the embrace the irony and write about writer's block ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Hi Magic, I too was going to write a poem about writers block, but it just wouldn't come. seroiusly though, great poem. david xx

cool

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Glad you think so David ;) I think the next stage after failing to write about writer's block is just to keep writing random words until something comes! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
This sounds a very bad case of block magic! Smoke in the lungs, mute-tongue & frost! I wouldn't believe that even you could get such lost in & I wouldn't like to be in there, unless to pull you out! I will try to explain my own brain-buffer moments. A new inspiration we can all write about. So helpful, thank-you! Kxx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Glad this was helpful, Kahdai! But don't worry - I think I'm out of my 'block' now, it was just a case of finding the time and motivation to write ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
Yes, making one, helped me finish another! I even made a space for the links & now I can relax. K :D

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by shoe on
This is a quality poem, very well crafted, don't have a favourite bit as it works so well as a whole, what a way to break a block!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Shirley! Glad you think so ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new MistakenMagic I enjoyed all of it, well done!on the cherry! Good piece,just looked up the word liberator=well saviour me to everything. I had break to on punctuation mind.block's if to much work out.I agree with shoe to. julie xx

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Aww thanks SundaysChild! It's great to see you round here again and I love your poetry too ;)

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Julie! Glad you enjoyed this one ;) Magic xxx