Smoking in the Bath (A Pantoum)

Cherry

By MistakenMagic

Fri, 27 Jan 2012
  • 7995 reads
31 comments
 

A tap drips in the dark.
There is a landslide of plates in the sink.
I think I will smoke in the bath
and read Ruth Fainlight back to front.

There is a landslide of plates in the sink,
but still I climb into the tub with my cigarette
and read Ruth Fainlight back to front.
Steam rises and steals the mirror's reflection.

But still I climb into the tub with my cigarette.
The book is water-speckled and curling at the corners.
Steam rises and steals the mirror's reflection:
I am glad of it and I laugh.

The book is water-speckled and curling at the corners,
the soap-dish makes a perfect ashtray:
I am glad of it and I laugh.
Everything appears volcanic.

The soap-dish makes a perfect ashtray,
and tilting my head I inspect a ceiling crack;
everything appears volcanic,
but it will not bring me the amnesia I want.

And tilting my head I inspect a ceiling crack.
Tomorrow I think I will smoke in the bath,
but it will not bring me the amnesia I want.
Somewhere a tap drips in the dark.

Certificate U
Poem
Conversation With My Thirteen-Year-Old Self
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by maisie on
i love form. thanks for sharing yours!

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hi maisie - this is my first attempt at form for a very long time. Thanks for reading! :-) Magic xx

 

Submitted by scratch on
Mistaken, I was totally gripped from the first word to the last. Excellent.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Aww thanks, Scratch! Form really isn't my thing so I'm glad you like this :-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by scratch on
Ok. Now I am going to expose my complete ignorance (something that I have done relentlessly all my life). What is form? Poems still good whatever it might be by the way.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
I suppose generally all poems have 'form' - which means the stanza structure, the rhyme scheme and the rhythm, but there are set forms like pantoums, sonnets, haiku, sestinas, villanelles, tanka etc I rarely write in set forms and set rhyme patterns and usually stick to free verse :-) Magic xxx P.S. Don't worry about ignorance Scratch, I would be too only I'm doing a degree in these things and it kinda helps to know ;-)

 

Submitted by hilary west on
I love the repeating lines of the pantoum. It gives a wonderful form to the piece. This is a great example!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thanks Hilary! We discussed a pantoum at Poetry Society this week and someone commented: "It sounds like the writer going slowly insane." I really like the repetition too! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by scratch on
Ah, ok I see. Thanks for the explanation. If creative, wonderful writing is a marker you'll get a 1st. If not, the Vice Cancellor will be getting a very strong poem from me!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Alas I'm doing a degree in English literature and I have to analyse other people's work not write my own - but thanks for the offer Scratch ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by blighters rock on
I feel like that tap dripping in the dark, finding writing so difficult and tiresome that every time I sit at the laptop I feel like sleeping or just plain can't stand what I write, but when I switch it off and do something else I feel OK again. There's literally nothing in the thinktank as far as I can see and I'm sure I've felt more inspiration stoned off my face on a bad hangover, not that I'm going to give in to the monkey on my shoulder. This poem really made me chuckle because it's so mindless, just like me sat gormlessly at the laptop slowly submerging myself to the depths of my own inadequacy. A brave post that worked for this numbnut.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hi Richard - please don't despair, it'll come back to you, it always does in the end. My problem is I can only write decent stuff when I'm miserable or pissed off - the poetry don't come during fair weather! Just don't force it and then the words will come - probably at the most random or inconvenient time too. Glad you liked this attempt anyway, nothing like a cig in the bath for mindless self-indulgence ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by scratch on
You must stop smoking forthwith MistakenMagic. Or you might set your bath on fire. And that simply will not do.

 

Submitted by scratch on
But on a slightly more serious note, you may be doing a lit' degree BUT you are also engaging with all this stuff. And I have read most if not all of your stuff now and your engagement is neither frivolous or shallow. You have a spark and sometimes a flame. I look forward to the conflagration.

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Aww thanks for taking the time to read my work, scratch! And yes, maybe some sort of fire extinguisher is in order... ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Some fabulous imagery, even if I do disapprove of you smoking - although, of all places, the bath seems the most safe and sensible! Unless you are using bath oils, in which case it which might not be so wise... I had to look up what a pantoum was. Sheer madness - having read a description of the form, I thought that it must be very difficult to write to either make sense or be pleasing to read, and you have managed both - very well done! p.s. swap the cigarette for a glass of wine! J x

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
Wonderfully bizarre and fun. I loved it. Rich

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hi Jennifer! My friend Jamie brought his pantoum to a poetry session and I was so envious, wishing I'd written it, so this was my response - glad you like it :-) I know someone who drinks Martinis in the bath - maybe I'll try that! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thanks for reading, Rich! :-) Magic xx

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi Magic, I too have never heard of this word, Pantoum, it wasn't even in my dictionary, so I was glad I came to it late, so that there was an explanation. This is certainly a different form for you, but you always manage to pull off the impossible, with such ease. I think it's good to try new things, learning is great fun and we never stop, throughout our lives. I hope you had as much fun writing it, as I did reading. Hope you're having a good weekend. Jenny.xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hi Jenny - this definitely was something new for me to try and I did enjoy writing it, so much so, I feel another one coming on ;-) I'm having a busy but productive weekend, hope you're having a good one too! Thanks for reading, Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I completely and utterly missed this one, Magic. In fact I've been hunting for it, just now, for ages because I saw it in the cherry-picked list. Well done...to say the least. Certainly something very different from you. A change is always as good as a rest, or so they say;-) Tina xxx

 

Submitted by shoe on
Funny how discipline can bring out a very different creativity, almost as if the restraints set you free, if that makes sense. Anyway, I enjoyed it a lot and if I had the willpower I'd be tempted to give it a go, it looks like fun!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hello Tina! I was wondering when you'd stop by ;-) Glad you like the change! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
It certainly is, Shirley - and a lot easier than it looks as you only actually write half the lines with each line repeated once throughout! Thanks for reading :-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Dynamaso on
I've attempted a few Pantoums in the past but the format can be quite tricky. Your effort, however, is just about perfect. Great job!

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hi Mark, lovely to hear from you! I'm glad you liked my attempt ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
I'm looking for cracks in the ceiling Magic-loved the form here- very good indeed with the repetition- brilliant to tell the truth- no ciggies for me- don't even have a bath tub- he he but you go have a soak and make some more brilliant poetry.. whatever you call it I will read it willingly. ;)Pia

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thanks, Pia! I've got another pantoum brewing, but my essay deadline is looming too - I'll see what I can do ;-) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
Such a stunning, cleverly constructed piece. A treat to read. Good luck with your essay!

 

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