When You Left
By MistakenMagic
Mon, 27 Apr 2009
- 3595 reads
11 comments
The drumming of my fingernails
on the table became a monsoon,
thundering dread
when you left, when you left.
Our garden forgot spring, forgot summer.
The grass starved itself, the trees mourned,
became compost breath
when you left, when you left.
My clothes curled from my skin.
Buttons rebelled, stitches unpicked themselves,
thread by thread
when you left, when you left.
The sun slit her glowing wrists
and collapsed onto the horizon.
Bled to death
when you left.
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Comments
Now this, I like;-) This
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Now this, I like;-) This stanza, my favourite:-
"My clothes curled from my skin.
Buttons, rebelled, stitches unpicked themselves,
thread by thread ..."
Another little cracker, Magic.
Tina :-)xxx
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These particular lines; The
These particular lines;
The sun slit her glowing wrists
and collapsed onto the horizon.
Impressed me, very well done :)
Yaz
Yaz
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Loved the powerful imagery -
Permalink Submitted by JackieGirl on
Loved the powerful imagery - not sure about the repeated line.
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This is amazing, with every
Permalink Submitted by hannahxrose on
This is amazing, with every line I understood and felt the emotion hidden in the meaning.
hannahxx
hannahxrose
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I really like the line
I really like the line repetition. It is the simplistic chorus to the heavy, image-laden, sad verses. A very good piece indeed.
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geez, i skip out for a few
Permalink Submitted by Curse of 222 on
geez, i skip out for a few days and now i'm way behind on commenting on magic's newest piece! i'm totally on board with the line repetition, i think dynamaso nailed it on that one.
"Our garden forgot spring, forgot summer." -- i love this line, it gives scope (not in a minty-fresh way.
excellent work, magic!
jason
jason
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brilliant as i have come to
Permalink Submitted by darkenwolf on
brilliant as i have come to expect from you - very powerfull.
;)
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