The Travel Avatar

 

“Ok, first step here is to choose your avatar,” said the travel agent.  She was a bird-eyed woman of about thirty, with platinum blond hair rigidly shaped like a viking helmut.  Her nose completed the assemble, protruding like a bridge from her forehead, more like a nose-guard than a nose.

 

    “Well, I want it to be a man obviously,” I said as she scrolled through pictures of young women.

 

    “There’s nothing obvious at all sir.  Travel is about exploration.  Many of our customers opt to change gender when choosing an avatar,” she said.  Her tone was irritated and she kept looking at her watch.  Then she switched screens to a list of men, ranging from about twenty to fifty years of age.

 

    I pointed my finger at one of the older gentlemen.  He had grey hair and a white beard.  He resembled me somewhat except I didn’t have a beard.  Beards weren’t permitted in the office culture where I worked.  I also died my hair to conceal the grays.

 

    “Really?  That one?” she asked.  Her eyes widened and jutted outward like a cartoon character.

 

    “Why not?  Seems like me.”

 

    “I have to remind you again sir that the whole point of having a travel avatar is not to be you.  If you want to be you then buy a plane ticket somewhere and go yourself.  The point of this service is to enjoy travel through someone else’s eyes.  Let them sit on the fourteen hour flights, eat the exotic food, and then sit for another fourteen hours on the toilet.  Experience travel through someone younger and maybe more attractive.  Find out what its like to party all night as a twenty-something, get laid and then go rock climbing the next day.”

 

    “Oh, I hadn’t really thought of that,” I said.  I was still confused by the whole thing.  I’d been given a gift card for the service by my wife.  She told me she hoped it would quash all this talk about wanting to take a long vacation.  She said we didn’t have time for a long trip, but the travel avatar could take one for me.

 

    “That’s what I’m here for,” said the travel agent.  “To give you ideas.  Of course the travel avatar will have their own ideas.  Once they’re selected neither of us will have much control over where they choose to go next, but there are profile indicators that give us some pretty good clues.”

 

    “What does the dollar sign mean?” I asked.  I pointed to the yellow dollar symbol glowing above the avatar’s photograph.

 

    “Oh, well this one is a little pricey,” said the agent.  “He prefers five star accommodation and first class flights.  The gift card you brought wouldn’t cover that, so you’d have to make up the difference.”

 

    “I’m not so sure I can afford to make up the difference,” I said.  

 

    “I’m not so sure you can afford not to,” said the agent indignantly.  She was looking at me like I was a smelly homeless man who’d wandered into the office.  I regretted not having parked my new 7-series BMW closer to the window so she could see me step out of it when I walked through the door.  Maybe then she’d show me a little more respect.  Now my face was burning with embarrassment.  

 

    “What does that mean?  I can’t afford not to,” I asked cautiously.  Maybe if I treaded more carefully she’d soften her tone.

 

    “It means that when you go back to the office and tell your colleagues how you invested in a travel avatar for your next vacation, what are they going to think if you tell them you put your avatar up at the Motel 6?”

 

    “Oh, right.  I can’t tell them that,”  I said.  I hadn’t even thought to tell anyone I had a travel avatar actually.  I knew traditional vacations longer than a few days were frowned upon.  Such people were considered lazy and not serious about their career.  They were also considered a bit weird because they indulged in foreign foods and were known to mingle with non-professional class people.

 

    “Of course you can’t.  The travel avatar experience is about bragging rights but bragging about a second rate travel experience is like parking last year’s BMW model in the driveway instead of the garage.”

 

    That stung.  My BMW was last year’s model but it was a three year lease.  What did this woman expect?  Was I supposed to lease a new one every year?  I tightened my tie and looked down at my suit to make sure it wasn’t wrinkled and that lint hadn’t started to gather.  

 

    “You must understand sir,” she continued.  “This is a very prestigious service.  For centuries kings and queens sponsored travelers, explorers and adventurers.  It elevated them in the same way as sponsoring an artist or building a palace.”

 

    “It just seems a little unfair,” I said, although I wasn’t entirely sure why I said it.

 

    “Unfair?  I’ll have you know our services and prices are among the most competitive in the industry,” she said.

 

    “I’m sure they are.  What I mean is, it seems unfair that this person, a total stranger, is going to enjoy first class accommodations at my expense, and I don’t get to enjoy any of it.”

 

    “Enjoy it?  Are you kidding me?  Do you wash your own car?  Do you cook your own meals?  Did you build your own house? Do you walk your own dog? Do you think any of those things are enjoyable?”

 

    “Well, actually…”

 

    “This is a service to leverage your time.  So that you can concentrate on what you do best and let the little people handle the minutia.”

 

    “I hadn’t thought of that.”

 

    “That’s why I’m here.  To think of that for you sir.”

 

    “Well, thank you.”

 

    “No need.  Its all covered in the service.  Now shall we make the selection and begin signing the contract?”

 

    “Well, I guess so.”

 

    “Excellent.  Here is a general brochure we provide all of our new clients.  There are some disclosures and exclusions at the bottom so please read them carefully.  I’ll take your credit card please.”

    

 

 

TRAVEL AVATAR TERMS AND DISCLOSURE  

    

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The Travel Avatar is the latest in premium travel assistance services.  Enjoy a four week cruise to the Bahamas without needing to be there in person, or a trek through Nepal without the exertion and needless time off the grid.  Travel Avatar allows the busy professional to focus on what’s important while still experiencing the vacations most people dream about.  For those who love their jobs enough not to let life get in the way.  

 

 1.)  Travel Avatar is a premium virtual travel service traveling on your behalf.  Under no circumstances will the avatar represent themselves as you or under your name.  Similarly, under no circumstances are you permitted to assume the identity of the avatar.  This is not a ‘Ghost Traveler’ service.

 

2.)  Under no circumstances are you to solicit the avatar for ‘social’ events outside the prescribed ‘debriefing’ subsequent to the trip.  Invitations to non-sanctioned activities will result in immediate termination of services with no refund.  The travel avatar is not a travel agent, companion for hire, surrogate dependent or escort.

 

3.)  Although ‘travel requests and advisements’ are welcomed, all travel decisions, destinations and accommodation choices are at the sole discretion of the avatar.  The avatar can make adjustments at any time without prior notice.  Although we do our best to estimate total expenses beforehand, we cannot fully anticipate the avatar’s spontaneity of travel or impulse buys.

 

4.)  The travel avatar would be happy to return with ‘gifts’ from their journey.  These may include works of art, artifacts and souvenirs permitted by law.  A 10% gift gratuity will be added in addition to the cost of the gift.

 

5.)  Travel Avatar reserves the right to travel on the behalf of multiple clients simultaneously.  

 

6.)  All reviews of service quality must be written prior to authorization of services.  We are happy to assist you with phraseology.  All disputes with respect to service delivery, service quality, and billing will be resolved via a private arbitration process determined by the Avatar Travel Agency.  

 

7.)  Any disagreement with or refusal to accept these terms shall result in immediate discontinuation of services, with no refund.  

 

 

 

I walked out of the Travel Agent office an hour later with a signed contract and a password to my new travel avatar’s social media links.  I couldn’t wait to get to my car and call my wife.

 

    “I did it honey,” I said excitedly as soon as she picked up the phone.

 

    “Oh, that’s so great.  Where are you going first?”

 

    “Well, of course the avatar will be going, and I think he’s decided to go to Paris.”

 

    “Oh, that’s so amazing. I’ve always wanted to see Paris,” she said.

 

    “Well, that’s what he’s here for.”

 

    “Who is he?” she asked, with an almost mischievous tone.  

 

    “He’s a young man.  Recent university graduate.  His profile says he’s a musician.”

 

    “Oh, how exotic.  Do we get to meet him?”

 

    “Oh yes.  We’ll meet him when he gets back.  I’ve already made arrangements.  We’re going to have dinner with him so he can tell us all about his trip.”

 

    “Oh, that will be spectacular. We have to invite the Stevensons.  They’ve been bragging about their avatar’s trip to Japan two years ago so we definitely need to let them see what we’ve been up to.”

 

    “That shouldn’t be a problem.  Our avatar will have dinner with us and as many people as we want to invite.”

 

    “Will he be staying at our house?  I’m not sure the remodeling of the guest room will be finished by then.”

 

    “Oh, no dear.  Not at our house.  At the Four Seasons, in a suite,” I said proudly.  

 

    “Oh my goodness, that is a surprise.  Well, I guess nothing but the best for our travel avatar.  That will be so nice when I tell the ladies at the country club.”

 

    “Wait until we tell the kids,” I said.

 

    “Oh, they’re going to die from excitement.”

 

    “Yes, well lets not get ahead of ourselves.  He hasn’t even taken the trip yet and he’ll be gone for three months.”

 

    “Yes, you’re right.  We’ll have to be satisfied with the pictures and messages he sends in the meantime.  I hope he shares all the raunchy details too.”

 

    “I’m sure he will.  He is a musician after all and you know how they are.  No doubt there will be adventures of all kinds.”

 

    “Ok, good.  Well, come home soon.”

 

    “I will.  Just have to stop at the office for a few more hours and show my face.  I’ll be home before midnight though.”

 

    “That’s great sweetie.  See you later.”