back from the dead

Max coming home

Its August 23^rd. It’s a lovely day. Not too sunny but not completely overcast. It’s not too hot yet it’s hot enough for just a t shirt. This day 19 years ago Nel had a life changing experience. This was the day she collected her boy. It was exactly the same weather then as it is now. Pleasant memories flood through Nel's mind.

The doorbell rings. Nel has just gotten out of the shower. The doorbell rings again, and again, and again.

Nel         ‘I’m coming, I’m coming’     

 Nel shouted with annoyance. “Fuck sake I’m going as fast as I can” she mutters under her breath as she pulls a pair of pants on and grabs a t shirt. She puts it on as she is coming down the stairs almost missing the last step. The doorbell rings again.

Nel         ‘hang on!’ She shouts.

Just as she is about to open the door she glances in the hall mirror. She sees that there is still a hair towel on her head. She takes it off and her hair is all over the place. It’s obviously wet so she just flicks her hand and opens the door anyway.

When she opens the door there is no one there. She sighs. Then she hears this little scratch on the porch and to her absolute amazement and delight she looks down and there he is……. Max standing on the step with 6 white roses in his mouth. She gasps and puts her hand to her mouth. Tears fill her eyes. She starts shaking. She doesn’t want to open the porch door because she wants to keep seeing him. She thinks she is having another psychotic episode.

Max       ‘well are you going to let me in or what? These flowers are heavy’

The flowers are making him speak in a muffled tone. He is drooling because of the flowers and his tongue is out and to the side.

Nel smiles and drops in a heap on the floor in shock. As she is coming around she feels something wet being applied to her face over and over again. She opens her eyes slowly and there, standing over her she sees a nose. It’s a black wet nose. It’s a nose she well remembers. Then she looks past the nose to a ray of grey fur leading to 2 of the most beautiful and heart-warming eyes she has ever seen. These are eyes she hasn’t seen in over 4 years. These are Max's eyes. She smiles.

Max       ‘hi mammy. I’m just coming over to give you some flowers. I’ve been thinking about you and I just had to come and see how you were doing’

Nel raises her head and smiles

Nel         max? Is that really you?

Max       surprise!

Nel starts sitting up against the hall wall and grabs Max’s little face and kisses his nose. He licks hers. Their eyes meet and Nel starts crying. Max kisses the tears off her cheek and his own eyes fill up.

The last time they saw each other was like this but it was under very different circumstances. They did this when he was dying. Nel remembered this. It was so vivid for her. Max could tell, so………

Max       sorry mammy. I hope those are good tears! I missed you!

He places the roses on her lap.

Nel         you can talk??

Max       yeah. You taught me never to go anywhere without bringing something….. And I know how you like white roses………….. So here

He nudges his nose at them and gives a smile. Nel finds it hard to look at the flowers because she is in shock. She can’t keep her eyes off his eyes. She is afraid to blink in case he vanishes. After 30 seconds of that she looks at the flowers and a little laugh pops out.

Nel         they are beautiful bunny. Thank you so much.

Nel cries saying this because that was Max’s pet name – bunny. She only ever calls her younger brother by this sometimes, but only when she feels sorry for him or when he’s in pain. It’s always been Max’s nickname. When she hears it its max who she thinks of. Now she can see him.

She picks up the flowers, smells them, looks at max in an appreciative way and places the flowers on the ground beside them. She then grabs him into an embrace and then sit on the floor in the hall crying for about 30 minutes

Max       mammy…….seriously mammy you’re strangling me!

Nel         oh sorry bunny

Nel smiles and releases her grip on him. They’re eyes lock and max pulls away.

Nel         where are you going?

Max       just a minute. I need a wee wee.

Max trots into the kitchen and over to the back door

Max       well are you going to let me out? It’s kind of an emergency here and I have no thumbs so I can’t turn the key or pull the handle.

Nel smiles and gets up to let him out.

Nel         there you go bunny. I know a lot has changed but hopefully you can find a nice spot to wee

Max goes out and cocks his leg up to the first pot he sees

Nel         you really weren’t joking about needing to go

Nel giggles as max sighs in relief. When he was finished they went into the sitting room and onto Nel’s chair. Because of the arthritis she picked him up and they hugged like old times

Max       it was a long journey. They had movies on the plane but no pots. Of course they had toilets    but I’m not able to go like that yet.

Nel         yet?

Max       yeah….. I’m taking a class but in the practical lessons I keep falling in

Nel laughs

Nel         I hope it’s into a clean bowl

Max       it’s not funny

Max smirks

Max       they downgraded me to a potty

Nel         a potty

Max       yeah a potty.  Apparently I’m too small for a real toilet

Nel         what are you taking classes for

Max       for re-implantation. I’m getting my certificate to be reborn. It only takes 10 years. I’m on year 3!

Nel         year 3?

Max       yeah

Nel         but you died over 4 years ago. Why aren’t you in year 4?

Max       there is a grieving class you have to do for 8 months after you go up.

Nel         what sort of a grieving class

Max       it prepares you for the rebirth class. It also is like a transitioning period where you learn how to look after and take care of the people you left, the people you loved. I learned how to look out for you!

Nel         me?

Max       yeah you. You were the person I loved most in the world. Obviously Keith and nanny too, but mostly you

Nel blushed

Nel         obviously I felt the same. Nanny and Keith and daddy too, but you were my best friend. You were the person I went to when I was feeling bad. You always listened!

Max       I’m still listening you know!

Nel         you are?

Max       of course. How do you think you got through all of those long 8 months in pats? You never gave up! You never broke your promise! You made it over 4 years of not cutting. I know hard that was. I was watching you!

Nel         you were

Max       of course! I was physically only in your life for over 14 years but you were in mine my whole life. I know nothing else and I couldn’t leave you spiritually. You need the help so, even if you don’t think you need me, I’m there. I will be reborn in 7 years. Hopefully we can meet up.

Nel         I do believe in angels and I can really feel you when I’m having a bad day. I see the little things. A butterfly, a feather – is that you?

Max       yeah. Yeah I thought you’d see them alright

He smiled. Nel rubbed his head and ears and chin. Her favourite part to rub was always and is now his ears. They’re so soft and silky. They are about the only part of him that hasn’t faded grey. One of them had a haematoma when he was young and since then his ear had been deformed. I could play with his ears all day. They are very soothing to rub.

Nel         I miss this

Max       what mammy?

Nel         rubbing you, talking to you. Being with you!

Max       aw mammy!

Max licks Nel’s nose as tears slowly run down her cheek

Max       look mammy,

Nel is crying

Max       I said look at me!

Nel opened her eyes and herself and max locked eyes

Nel         this isn’t going to go back to normal is it?

Max       no

Nel         how long more do I have you for?

Max       nanny has just pulled up

Nel         will you be able to met her? She misses you too, and Keith

Max       mammy I’m here to look after you. I’m actually your guardian angel.

Nel         bunny, I don’t understand!

Max       I’m only here to keep you safe. I’m here to look after you until nanny comes

Nel         I still don’t understand

Max       it wasn’t me at the door

Nel         what do you mean. Of course it was you. Sure you’re here.

Max       think about it – how could I have reached the doorbell?

Nel is confused. She has no idea what max is trying to say

Max       when you were rushing to answer the door you fell.

Nel         no I didn’t

Max       yes you did. As you were putting on your t-shirt you fell and at this moment in time you are actually not here!

Nel         if I’m not here…..then where am I?

Max       I’m going to tell you something now and I don’t want you to panic!

Nel         ok. You’re frightening me bunny

Max       you are at the bottom of the stairs. I’m just here to make sure you are ok until someone finds you. That’s why I’m conscious that nanny is now getting out of the car.

Nel         well hang on and you can say hi to her. She would love to see you! Besides that, we are in the sitting room on our chair

Max       yeah but I’m dead.

Nel         I know, it’s a miracle

Max       no mammy, it’s just me doing my job. I’m keeping you safe. You see, when you promised you wouldn’t cut again, I also made a promise that day. I promised to keep you safe. I promised to always be there when you needed me

Nel is speechless. She struggles to find words.

Max       I need to get you back now

Nel         back where?

Max       back to your body! You need to return so you can get help. Hurry nanny is almost at the porch

Max jumps down off the couch and leads Nel into the hall. There is a body at the end of the stairs. Nel gasps as she realises that that body is her. There is blood on the floor coming from her head and she is unconscious. Nel looks at herself, the person who is looking down on the body at the stairs. She is fading. She is starting to go transparent. She starts panicking

Nel         max what’s happening?

Max       its ok! Don’t be scared! It’s just you realising that what’s happening now, why I came back. It’s because I need you to know I’m always there keeping you safe. You can see me this time but no matter what I’m there 24/7.

Nel bends down over the body on the stairs. She looks at max

Nel         you are becoming transparent now too

Max       that’s because nanny is here. She can look after you now. You’re safe! Listen! That’s the keys in the door. I have to go now

Nel         no. please. Wait

Nel puts her hand out and she touches Max’s head one last time. She is crying and shaking but max is smiling

Max       you are going into shock. That’s why you’re shaking. Stop panicking! You’ll be fine

Nel falls into the body at the end of the stairs. The key turns and Max’s vanishes.

Max       (whispering) – I love you mammy

Mom opens the door and sees Nel on the floor and drops the shopping. She gasps.

Mom     Nel!

Mom sees all the blood and goes into shock herself. She goes over to Nel who is starting to regain consciousness. Mom rings the paramedics

Max drifts upwards, invisible at this stage. His job is done. Nel is safe in the hands of mom.

After 2 weeks; 2 brain surgeries; and a medically induced coma – Nel wakes up. Everyone she loves is around her bed. She has a ventilator in her mouth so she can’t talk but at least she is awake. She struggles, trying to understand what has happened but she is just so tired. After 8 days she comes off the ventilator and can speak again.

Nel         where’s max

Mom     no love max is dead

Nel smiles. Over moms head she sees a butterfly flapping its wings. She knows that that is max making sure she was ok.

Mom     oh a butterfly!

Mom says with admiration

Mom     there hasn’t been many of these this year

A tear rolls down Nel’s cheek. She gets it now. He is always there. Max is the reason she was so strong during her 8 month stint in pats. Max is the reason she kept her promise and hasn’t cut. Max is the reason she is alive today. She smiles as the butterfly fly’s out the window.

Nel         I love you bunny!