Do I?

John was comfortable with his sexual orientation. When he was fourteen years old, he was being bullied. People called him names and pushed him around on the corridor. The main bully confronted him about being gay and Johns answer was ‘so what if I am!’ From that day on, the bully had no ammunition to throw at John and to top it all off, the most popular kid in the school who was two years Johns senior, threatened the bully making the name calling cease. John was forever grateful to that guy. He gave him some advice, ‘always be true to yourself!’ From that day on John was an out and proud member of society.

None of the family were shocked at the news when John announced it over the clinking of dishes that night. He was expecting a negative response, but acceptance was projected from all angles.

In 2015 when gay people were legally allowed to get married, John celebrated with all his friends and that’s where he met Patrick. John, a dancer who did three seasons in Disney in Paris, was super fit and lean. He always wore skin tight clothing to show off his physique. Patrick, who was ten years Johns senior, was a heavy-set guy. He loved his food. It wasn’t that he was unfit, it was that he didn’t have the time to work out as much as he’d like.

Wedding bells crossed the couples path after they had isolated together during covid. Patrick said if they got through that, they could get through anything, so he proposed. John graciously accepted the proposal and they had a wedding to look forward to.

Johns sister Kate was heading off to Australia for God only knows how long ten months later and he refused to get married if his little sister wasn’t there by his side. That meant they had a wedding to plan in nine months. It was tight but doable. What’s the name of the maths book John swore by in secondary school? ‘Less stress, more success!’ and that’s why both sides of the families came together and rallied, everyone taking on a job making it easier on the grooms.

Kates contribution was a website as she was in web design as an occupation. She had the rights to JohnPatrickwedding.com and got the word out that she wanted to do a scrapbook on the both of them from when they were babies.

The photographs came in in droves from friends and family, all of which were embarrassing, exactly what Kate wanted. As she was going through pictures that were coming in two months from the wedding, she came across two in particular that shocked her to the core. It was a picture of Patrick in a groomsman suit on the alter with a woman in a wedding dress holding his hands. Then there was another of him holding a baby with the same woman beside him in a hospital bed. She couldn’t make out where the pictures originated, but she printed them out and made her way over to John and Patricks place immediately. She knew John worked late on a Thursday and she wanted to give Patrick the benefit of the doubt without John needing to know.

As she got off the 123 bus in Marino, she only had to walk a short distance to the small three bedroomed terrace house that John and Patrick rented. As she walked up to the house, she was amazed at how different it looked from its neighbours. It was bright, it was colourful, it was them.

She opened the squeaky, waist high black gate and was amazed at how the flowers were thriving in their hanging baskets on either side of the porch. She pressed the doorbell. She had a kaleidoscope of butterflies flying through her veins and heard scotty, their six-month-old west highland terrier’s feet ticking on the beautiful hardwood floors that ran through the whole house. Patrick opened the door, his shirt matching his personality, as camp as Christmas. He was holding little scotty under one arm. He smiled and invited his future sister-in-law into the immaculate house.

‘We just had a bath,’ his hand flopping as he said it, ‘so we are a tiny bit wet,’ he pointed towards his pants which were soaked. ‘But we are fabulous after it, aren’t we scotty?’ the dog licked his face before he put him down. Kate loved dogs, especially scotty as technically he was her nephew.

She followed Patrick into the kitchen where he began to make tea.

‘We are all looking lovely and clean now aren’t we scotty, a surprise for when daddy comes home!’

Patrick suddenly turned his attention back to making the tea and asked Kate if everything was going ok.

‘I saw scotty yesterday and he….’

‘……rolled in some dog poop on our walk!’ Patrick finished Kates sentence with eyes open as wide as saucers.

She then understood the needing of the bath.

‘Um… Patrick?’

‘Yes, my lovely.’

‘Were you ever married before?’ Patrick immediately froze, his spoon had two used teabags on it and after a minute he placed the spoon in the sink.

‘Why do you ask?’

Kate produced the printout of the pictures. Patrick stood still. A hot cup of tea in each hand and the colour drained from his face. Kate got up and took the tea off him, placing them on coasters on the worlds smallest table and sat poor Patrick down. She went to the fridge and got out the milk as Patrick was still trying to find words. He cupped the hot tea in his hands and stared into the abyss.

‘Are they real?’ she asked softly, reaching over and grabbing Patricks hand.

He just nodded.

‘So you are married then!’ Kate deduced from Patricks reaction.

He just nodded.

‘And the baby?’

He nodded again.

‘Does John know?’ Kate asked the now trembling man in front of her. His eyes filled up with tears and he rushed over to the sink where he vomited.

Kate got up from her chair and rubbed Patricks back. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth on the tea towel and returned to the table, indicating Kate do the same.

He pushed the cup of tea aside and invited Kate to take his hands in the centre of the table. She obliged willing to hear him out. Kate and John were very close and if she were to advise him with not going through with the wedding, she didn’t know how he would take it.

‘We all have a past,’ Patrick started, ‘we all have things we regret and we have all done our form of experimentation!’

The way he said that she was sure John had informed him of her stoner days. She nodded.

‘When I was younger, back when gay people were the devil in my father’s eyes, I went to college in Boston for a year. That was where I met Audrey. She was also gay and her parents were on at her. “Why don’t you find that special guy to spend the rest of your life with” type of people.’

Kate nodded.

‘So she came up with the idea that we marry each other to make her family accept her. At the time I wanted a green card and so it was a marriage of convenience. After a year of living together, in separate bedrooms of course, her bringing people home, me bringing people home, we tied the knot in a very big, very extravagant wedding. It was convenient. I got to spend some time in the states and she got her family off her back. When we were married for three years, her parents started on at her about grandchildren.’

Kate nodded.

‘I had always wanted a baby of my own and so did she so we decided that we would try and have one together. No physical contact,’ he reassured Kate, ‘no, we used a turkey baster, and were delighted that after only four months of trying we fell pregnant. To be honest I was getting sick of putting the contents in the turkey baster, as you weren’t supposed to use lubricant, well that’s what we read in Cosmo.’

Kate looked at him with a furrowed brow.

‘We had the baby, a boy, Joshua. My little angel,’ Patrick smiled, his eyes lighting up as he spoke. ‘My Joshua was perfect, he was a perfect baby and as he grew, we moved into a house with a white picket fence, all the while bringing people home and in separate bedrooms. I will never forget the summer I painted that fence and got sunstroke…...but that’s getting off topic.’

‘So you had the house, the wife, the child….’

‘…. yes.’ He smiled. ‘Every year we would mark Joshua’s height against one of the door frames and when he was four,’ Patrick was staring into the abyss, ‘he started to nap a lot and developed bruises on his torso. Neither me nor Audrey ever disciplined with corporal punishment, we always used the naughty step!’

‘What was wrong with him?’ Kate asked looking into Patricks distant eyes.

‘Leukaemia!’ he answered.

Kate made an audible gasp and put one hand to her mouth, the other was clutching at Patricks lovingly.

‘He died a year later!’

Kate began to cry as she watched Patricks eyes tear up and she got up off of her chair and enveloped him in a hug. He sobbed into Kates shoulder, his body convulsing with every breath, as did hers.

The key in the lock of the door turned and John announced he was home. ‘Hello?’ Scotty replied straight away and John played with him a little before he saw down through the long narrow house to the kitchen where his fiancé and sister were crying heartily in each other’s arms.

He rushed in to them. ‘What’s with all the tears?’ he asked concerned. ‘Did something happen?’

Kate ushered her brother over to take her place and told him that Patrick had something to tell him. John looked at her with a furrowed brow when Patrick broke away from her, his arms in search of John.

Out of respect, Kate left the pair, presuming that Patrick would tell John the story.

 

John discretely asked Kate the next day to keep the story of Joshua under wraps. He didn’t want either family to think Patrick was keeping something from them. Patricks family longed to be grandparents and even they didn’t know about poor Joshua. Kate promised to bring the secret to the grave and hugged her big brother.

 

Finally the day had come. The grooms had their suits on, their ties straight, and everyone was seated in the hall they rented where the officiator was standing waiting for them to walk down the aisle. Just as the music started, John asked Kate to walk him down it.

‘But that’s dads job!’

‘His knee is acting up again,’ John said fiddling with his tie. Kate slapped his hand indicating him to stop. ‘Please?’ he asked all doe eyed.

‘How can I resist that face!’ she said and pulled her dress up so as not to have anything appear untowardly.

Patrick went first, John having made sure the divorce with Audrey was finalised, and he looked so handsome.

Then it was Johns turn. But he hesitated. It was just John and Kate in the hallway outside the hall. John was pacing up and down, his body physically shaking.

‘Are you ok?’ Kate asked John to no reply.

‘C’mon,’ she taunted him. ‘You know how good your ass looks in that suit so let’s go and show it off!’

Kevin paced once more and nodded. He took Kates arm in his and asked her if he was doing the right thing, if Patrick was definitely the one?

Then he looked down the aisle at his man and he knew. When she finally gave him away, gave him to Patrick, she knew that this relationship would go the distance, that this pair were made for each other.