MINDS IN LOVE

By moonphish

Mon, 21 Sep 2015
  • 467 reads
2 comments
 

 

 
whenever bodies fall in love
in fact, it's only lust
although, there's tons of passion
there is not a shred of trust
.
when bodies covet bodies
it's so easy to get bored
quite often bodies are desired
but yet, they're not adored
.
so bodies change their partners
and the cycle starts anew
for bodies lack the fortitude
to really follow through
.
whenever two minds fall in love
their love is truly felt
a blending of their very souls
together, they will melt
.
for minds require a partner
to provide a clearer view
a shoulder they can lean on
when there's darkness to get through
.
these minds won't change their partners
even faced with gravest strife
for minds possess the true love
that will let them last for life
Certificate U
Poem
POEMS BY MOONPHISH

Comments

Submitted by Frankie97 on

Personally, I feel the themes in this poem are quite prominent and beautiful but its lacking depth. Overall this depth is better achieved through your use of language. For example, where you said "although, there's tons of passion" the word 'tons' is not fitting in the overall context. It comes across as colloquial or too casual. Maybe try something like 'although there's a vast amount of passion.'

It ideally adds more depth of language and meaning.

Hope this helpssmiley

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Actually, sorry, Frankie, but I quite liked the down-to-earthness of 'tons' and it seemed to complement 'trust' in the next line, and of course the author would have to adjust a lot to make your change because of the meter, but firstly it is deciding of course what word and meaning he wants.

Alvin, you certainly bring out a big subject of when physical lust bypasses the mind, is fickle and not committed, and having a very inadequate view of love, without the mental respect and sharing, concern and even emotion (which I take to be the implication of the use of the word 'adored'). Rhiannon