Inner Feelings
By MrBusDriver
Sat, 08 Dec 2012
- 1303 reads
5 comments
I have watched you, unnoticed when your smiles and frowns
gave away the reaction you hadn't meant.
I felt an understanding then Like I had found some cipher to your inner feelings.
I have walked hand in hand with you through cities new and wondrous through days of sadness, bitter and cruel, through subways of aching poverty
and seasons of recollections
each more beautiful and tender.
I have caught myself
spying on you while you slept.
Mapping your face
absorbing every crease and line
longing for and loving every last freckle.
I have wept for you
with you
about you
and now without you
my life is a measure of your Acceptance
without you I am lessened.
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Comments
Very nice MrBusDriver. Some
Very nice MrBusDriver.
Some good lines here and the fluidity of the poem is for the majority excellent.
Just a couple of points if I may?
There appears to be odd use of capital letters (read through I'm sure that you will spot them). I suspect that this is due to a formatting problem rather than a conscious stab at enjambment. Maybe consider a little edit to improve the flow even more.
The second stanza is super with the contrast that you have woven in, well done. The final stanza is also very strong providing us with a solid compass point of your emotion which (thank goodness) never veers into sentimentality.
I really do think that this would be even better with an edit and if you do decide to edit it consider doing away with a capital letter at the beginning of each line.
Welcome to ABCtales.
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That's a beautiful poem. It
Permalink Submitted by mattjmccusker on
That's a beautiful poem. It flows, it's moving. Two thumbs up. (If I had more thumbs I'd put them up too)
-Matt M
-Matt M
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