Birthday

Today I turned twenty-two.

And while I don't feel much different, I've been looking into, and on what is expected of someone my age: I should be done with college, and have a degree-- I should have plenty of work experience under my belt-- i should already have a plan with my life--I should have a place of my own-- i should have friends-- I should have a romantic relationship.

For a long while, over the past few years, I had already felt the overwhelming pressure of adulthood crushing down on me. I'd gone to college but couldn't finish. I got kicked out of my house. I worked eighty hours a week so that I wouldn't get kicked out of where I lived and so that I could pay the bills. I was twenty-one and already had four years of full-time experience under my belt. 

And then recently I quit my job. 

I've been doing a lot of retrospection and introspection since then. And to be honest, I really feel like I have wasted the best years of my youth. I should have been traveling-- I should have been experiencing-- I should have been learning. Yet I trapped myself with this idea that I had to be an adult. That I needed to be an adult. I realized that for the last five years, I've been driving down to the same roads to the same job and back, everyday, with little to no variance. 

And to be honest, I haven't been very good.

I have been avoiding the problems that assail me, and I haven't been motivated in the slightest to look for a new job, despite my experience. I've barely left my house. I ignore my mail. I ignore the phone calls. 

Yet I am not depressed (sure, I should be paying my student loans off. But fuck that, they can have my money later. It's not like they'll ever stop assailing me about it anyways). I've actually been rather chipper as they say. I've been indulgiing myself in the things that I've pushed off. I've started to draw again. I've been reading the novels I've had for years yet never touched. I've been hanging out with friends that I previously never had time for. 

All in all, I've realized how lucky I am to have a certain somebody beside me. And he's been here since the beginning. He's been my rock, and he's always stood by me. He's the best friend I could've never asked for and I am so glad I get to wake up next to him everyday. Without his support I don't think I could've gotten to where I am today. Between the worst and the best, he's been there.

I've decided that I don't want to be an adult. I am twenty-two. I am young. I have the rest of my fucking life ahead of me, why the fuck shouldn't I live it while I can? I'm going to travel-- I'm going to paint-- I'm going to dream-- i'm going to drum-- I'm going to play-- I'm going to learn-- I'm going to live. 

I'm not going to worry about what society thinks I should be doing right now. 

He and I are going to rule our own world, 

With hell at our heels. 

Because we are young, and we have time.