Oh, How I Love Being British!

I had this Dutch guy come up to me the other day, and he started chatting about fucking Shakespeare. I told him that he was the guy that wrote Oliver Twist and got sent down for being gay. For some reason, the arrogant fucker told me that I was wrong! Can you believe that?! He said that it was actually Charles Dickens who wrote Oliver Twist, and that Shakespeare wrote shit like Romeo and Juliet. He also told me that it was Oscar Wilde who got jailed for being gay… How dare he tell me that I’m wrong! I mean, everybody knows that Charles Dickens was that guy who invented evolution! And even more people know that Romeo and Juliet is a fucking film! A film that stars that queer American actor, Leonardo Da Vinci!

He then started boasting about how weed and prostitution is legal where he comes from. It’s legal here too! Even the police have been known to stray into many bargain basements puffing a joint whilst checking their pubes for lice!

Then he began rambling about the empire… We’re fucking proud of the fact that, to this day, people in Australia pray to the Queen before roasting an Aboriginal upon a beach barbeque!

But the biggest insult… I got the impression that he disliked the vajazzle! Can you believe that? You can fuck penicillin, you can fuck the smallpox cure, you can bloody well fuck time machines, the vajazzle is greatest thing that we invented! There’s absolutely nothing better than finding sweaty clumps of glitter stuck in your teeth after going down on your girlfriend!

Continentals? Don’t believe a word they say!