Into Darkness: Chapter 2, Section(s): 1

Deux

            It’s been decades since I’ve been in Qurituba and not a day goes by that I don’t think back on my lazy days next to the screaming river. I’m old now and I find my memories next to the river grow fainter and fainter with each passing day. I never appreciated those days then but I long for them now.

   It reminds me of how you were so eager to leave home a few years ago. You were so excited to start a life without your father because you were looking for something else out of life. I understood your anxiety about being trapped in our tiny apartment because I felt trapped in Qurituba. While all your friends began finding jobs, going to college, getting married and moving out of the neighborhood you were left trying to figure out what it was you wanted to get from life, something much harder than it seems in theory. Of course it would have been easy to simply give you my blessing and offer you support that all of your other friends received from their parents but I wanted you to realize something before you left; you didn’t hate this place, you hated the idea of being held back from doing what you wanted to do in life even if you didn’t quite know what that was yet. I know because I was just like you. Only in a different part of the world and in a different period of history but history usually finds a way of repeating itself and it did with you and I. Maybe I should of let you know then but I thought it would be best for you to figure out what you wanted in life all by yourself, but at home first. I’m sure, knowing this now, you preferred it that way because that’s who you are, it’s who you were and who I was and who we still are today. 

   My temper surely couldn’t have made things any easier for you. I was angry most of the time and I didn’t truly know why either. I guess it just runs in the family. I can tell that’s what you felt then as well. You weren’t angry at me, at least I hope not, but you were angry at the fact there was so much uncertainty in your life that remained. You weren’t meant for this type of world as I thought I wasn’t meant for that world I grew up in. Only I was completely wrong, that world may have been my curse but after I left it became my dream. I would see it every time I closed my eyes and I would cry when I thought about it too much. It hurts to write this because I know what you were going through and I never said anything. Maybe I should have said something to you. That’s in the past though and you can’t change that, I only hope we can create something beautiful with the time we still have left together. 

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