Quinn and the Moustache

One morning Quinn decided to grow a moustache.

There was no reason for this, it wasn’t Movember and he had no friends or idols on which to model his new look. He just decided to grow one, that’s all.

Contrary to what many believe, keeping a moustach is more work than being clean shaven. Quinn still had to shave, but he had to ensure that his moustache was even, which he found a fiddly task when he was still in a blurry-eyed, after-sleep state.  But Quinn persisted and the moustach grew from stubble and fur to a fledgling tache.

Quinn started to notice people looking at him at work, where he’d previously been happy in his anonymity. People even spoke to him. Jeff, the office prankster, was the first. “I don’t want to worry you Quinn,” he said one morning, “But there’s a mouse crept up your chair and is sitting on your head. I’ll remove it for you.” Quinn nodded non-comprehending assent, only for Jeff to start tugging at his moustach. “It’s crept under your nose, Quinn, but I’ve got hold of it.”

After Jeff’s intervention, it was as if the rest of the office had been given a green light to talk to Quinn.

“Not for charity is it Quinn,” said Lumpton, “Only this hats for cancer thing is bleeding me dry.”
“No, it’s not for charity,” Quinn said. “It’s not for anything.”

“Don’t s’pose you’ve considered growing a full beard?” said Bearded Harry. “It’s becoming the in-thing. Quite a few of us have got one now.” It was true. There had been a recent spate of beard-growing. Quinn had read an email about it just the day before.

“No, I’m happy with my moustache, thanks,” Quinn had said.

But the weirdest thing was the effect of the moustache on women, who suddenly started talking to him. They didn’t mention the moustache directly, but women who had previously ignored Quinn, began making conversation with him.

The first was Kirsty. “I don’t s’pose you know anything about spaniels, Quinn,” she said. “Only mine’s off his food.”

“No, sorry, I don’t,” Quinn had said, but in spite of his ignorance of canine appetite, the conversation had continued for a long time and culminated in their going for a drink after work. Some said it was more than a drink.

After Kirsty it was Laura. Again she made no mention of the moustache, instead she asked if he was a Woody Allen fan.

“I don’t know,” he said, “I’ve never seen any of his films.”

“Only he’s got a new movie out. I wondered if you wanted to go see it. It’s about Brad Pitt and a dog.”

So Quinn had another date.

Quinn and Laura started seeing each other after work on a regular basis. This time the office was in no doubt that it was more than drinks. Laura was quite open that she was staying over. She even started referring to him as ‘My Quinn’.

Quinn seemed happy with his new relationship status, which became as much of a conversation piece as his moustache.

Jeff made jokes about Quinn being late for work, implying that Quinn and Laura had been delayed by their sexual activities. Quinn laughed, even though, in fact, he had arrived on time as always.

 Lumpton also spoke to him. “I hope you’re not planning to get married Quinn. I can’t afford another whip round, not after that thing with the typing pool and the swimming club.”

“You should grow a full beard,” suggested Bearded Harry, “Laura’s bound to find that a turn-on.”

Laura started staying over every night and moved most of her things into Quinn’s apartment, including her collection of Woody Allen DVDs.

Quinn would always wake first, make coffee and coissants, and then wake Laura.

However, one morning, as Quinn was shaving while he waited for the kettle to boil, for no apparent reason he suddenly decided to shave off his moustache.