FUNNY CHRISTMAS WITH THE CHINESE REINDEER

Pablo Barrera
FUNNY CHRISTMAS WITH THE CHINESE REINDEER
(2013)

Characters

Chinese Deer            Elf        Zebra
Yu                            Ju
Ji                              Sauron
Mi                

Scene I

Narrator:  Look, a desert. It´s the Sahara desert. There are 3 Chinese deer and an elf lost in the middle of the desert because the sleigh is out of fuel; so they cannot fly again. All of them sit on the sand. They think about their problem. There is a zebra staring at them. He comes walking slowly.

Zebra: Who are you?
Yu:  I´m Yu.
Zebra: No, you´re not me.
Yu: Of course not, he is Mi. I´m Yu and he is Mi.
Zebra: Ah???????
Ji: I´m not Mi.
Zebra: How is that? You´re not you?
Yu: I´m Yu.
Zebra: Wait, you´re not me. What are you talking about?
Yu: He is Mi, and I´m Yu.
Zebra: Are you kidding me?
Mi: Me? I´m not, I´m not kidding you.
Yu: Who? Me?
Ju: What?
Mi: What?
Zebra: I´m so confused, who?
Ju: I´m Ju.
Zebra: You?
Yu: I´m Yu! I told you!
Zebra: Me? are you crazy?
Mi: I´m Mi, and I´m not crazy!
Zebra: Of course you´re you!
Mi: He is Yu!
Zebra: He is not me!
Mi: What´s wrong with you, I´m Mi!
Zebra: Of course it´s you.
All of the deer together: Nooooo, he is Yu!

Narrator: The zebra went crazy!

Zebra: I´m so confused! and what happened? Why are you here?!
Ju: Precisely, Yu forgot to fill the tank fuel of Santa's sleigh.
Zebra:  Me? What are you talking about?
Ju: Not Mi, Yu!
Zebra: But I don´t know what are you taking about?! I barely know you!
Ji: Of course you barely know Yu!
Zebra: Well, I know me!
All: From where?
Mi: I don´t remember you!
Zebra: But I thought He was Yu!
Ju: He is not Yu.
Zebra: Of course, he is not me! I´m myself!
All: We don´t know any myself, is that your name?!
Zebra: No, I´m me!
Mi: You´re not me!
Zebra: Of course not! ahhhhh

Narrator: The Zebra took a short pause

Zebra: You are weird!
Ji: It´s wrong, the correct sentence is: Yu is weird!
Yu: I´m not weird! He is weird!
Ji: I´m not weird!

Short Pause.

Zebra: Wait a minute, who is in charge?
Ji: Exactly!
Zebra: That´s what I´m asking, who?
Mi: You said: Ju was in charge and it´s true!
Yu: I didn´t say Ju was in charge, actually it should be me!
Mi: Me?
Ji: No! Not you! Ju!
Zebra: That´s what I´m asking!
Ji: And I told you Ju!
Zebra: Who?
Ji: That´s right!
Zebra: Who´s in charge!
Ji: Correct!
Zebra: Who is it?!
Ji: That´s what I told YOU!
Yu: Me?
Zebra: Enough! I´m so tired of this! You better find someone else to help you!
All the deer except Yu: But Yu doesn´t need any help, it´s all of us.
Zebra: Of course I don´t need any help! and the correct way to say it it´s: You don´t need any help! It´s you!!!
All deer: Not only Yu, all of us!
Zebra: Me too?
All deer: Of course!
Zebra: Uugh!!!!

Narrator: The zebra has a headache and so he faints.

Scene II

Narrator: Oh poor zebra! The Chinese deer take the zebra to an oasis, He wakes up, but he faints again when he looks at them. He doesn´t know what is happening!

Wakes up again.

Zebra: (He puts his glasses on) Oh, I see (He looks at the labels on the Chinese deer) Now, I understand!
Look! Water!
I´m so thirsty!, (He laps the water with his tongue)
Yuck!!! This is not water, (He tastes the water)
What is this?
Yu: Let me try! (He tastes it) Is this vinegar?
Mi: No! Let me try! (He tastes it) I think it is a pine apple drink.
Ji: Don´t be crazy! (He tastes it) You´re wrong! It´s tequila!
Ju: All of you are nuts! (He tastes it) Ahhh, I know what it is.
Zebra: What? What? What?
Ju: (He shouts) Fueel!!!!!!!!!! Gasoline for the sleigh!!!!
Ji: A solution to our problem!
Mi and Yu: Yeah! Good idea!
All: But we don´t have anything to carry it.
Ju: Wait, we can use my socks! (Ju takes off his socks)
Ji: (Surprise) Ohh! those are not socks for an elf! Those are Sauron´s* boots! What are you doing here?
Sauron: Now you know, in reality , I´m not an elf, I´m actually Sauron, the dark Lord of middle earth, Santa Claus sent me on a special mission to help him! (then he says on lower voice), and to find my precious!
(Picking up the bag) Here are the presents, it´s late!
Mi: Hurry up, Let´s fill up the tank!
Narrator: Everybody helps using the socks, the tank is filled and they say Good bye to the zebra.
Zebra: Good bye! (He looks down and remembers)
(Looking up, he shouts) Juuu!!!!!! Is this the ring that you´re talking about?
Ju/Sauron: (He shouts back) Ohhhhhhh, my precious!
All: We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! And hope Sauron finds his dear ring!!!!

THE END

* Sauron, from the Lord of the Rings trilogy