Her eyes

By Parson Thru

Wed, 20 Nov 2019
  • 1267 reads
10 comments
 

Her eyes went small and dark, 

like buttons.  Small stones, 

sunken, cold, devoid of life.

I’d seen that look before,

years ago: a gangster, 

funny, but dangerous, 

mad. I rose without 

saying goodnight 

and went to bed.

Certificate U
Poem
Passed on
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Chilling (in the old fashioned sense)

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Yes.

Parson Thru

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

For me, after gangster, I think you need what that gangster was doing. Pulling the eyes from a Rottweiler. Shooting slugs into a baby. Then you've got a bigger contrast with the row with a loved one. But that's just me. Like to go big. 

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Drew.

Thanks. I'll have a think.

He was eating cornflakes.

Parson Thru

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

Eating cornflakes works, 'with murderous intent'. 
 

So this is true?

That's good. 
 

A lot of what I write is true. But you have (or I have) to embellish. Think of what's in your heart. And then embellish. Extrapolate. But the core is what's important. But that core is hard for others to empathise with because it's so personal to you. The bells and whistles are just to make people see. And if they don't see they've still got the bells and whistles and everyone's happy. 
 

Or not. 
 

But in my head. They are. I am. 

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

The truth is in there.

I was taking a "less is more" kind of line with this. A bit indulgent maybe - trying for a kind of aesthetic. Not a very good one as it turns out.

Parson Thru

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

No it is good. I didn't mean that. I was just suggesting a little tweak to one or two words. Drew. 

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Drew.

I really do appreciate it. That sort of feedback is just what we all need.

I'm pretty tied up just now and any "creative" opportunities are either during moments of escape or at my wits' end prior to and during sleep. Plus a visitor has arrived for a week. Thank goodness.

I will come back to this at some point and look at comments for inspiration. Thanks for your suggestion and keep them coming.

Best wishes,

Kevin

Parson Thru

Submitted by Nolan on

Reminded me of paddington bear. My hero &

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

:) Surprisingly similar.

Parson Thru