R.I.P
By Pat D
Tue, 19 Jun 2012
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4 comments
I Took A Look
Passing by your door today
I looked in, in the usual way.
Just a glance, not a stare
Just to check if, you were there.
I thought I saw you in your chair,
But a double take showed you weren’t there.
I knew, you had gone the other day,
But my urge to look won’t go away.
The hole you left will not be filled,
Without much blood sweat and tears being spilled.
Your drive to make FARNEY what it is today
A successful place for many to work, rest and play.
Your Legacy will live on despite the fact that you have gone
R.I.P. Peter.
By Patrick Derwin S.R.S.C.W.
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Comments
Hmm. Like the piece overall,
Hmm. Like the piece overall, but don't like the use of "A lot in there. IMO you should take out "A lot of" and replace it with "much". Breaks the flow for me. Remove the comma after if. Otherwise good piece, emotion really shows through
- Ian Bahas
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Very moving piece, Pat D.
Permalink Submitted by RachelPatricia on
Very moving piece, Pat D. Thanks for sharing.
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