Dire Tribes

The Conservative Party: an unholy alliance of toffs and spivs

The Labour Party: (now home to) career lefties

The Liberal Democrats: eclectic eccentrics as much misjudged as misjudging; wide-eyed and-soon-to-be-Clegg-less opportunists

UKIP: the party-political equivalent of Prince Philip with just a wiff of Bernard Manning; BNP lite

The SNP: saltire-waving would-be oil barons

HM Civil Service: jumped-up jobsworths and hard-pressed penpushers

Big business: fat cats and fraudsters

The press: hacks and hackers

The BBC: media-savvy mediocrities and licensed creeps

The trade unions: toothless dinosaurs

The establishment (in general): priveleged promoters of their own interests and of conformity and compliance among the masses

The younger generation: overindulged underachievers

The Great British Public (as a whole): aspiring Big Brother contestants and Jeremy Kyle Show guests