Once we meet

By PedroJulio

Wed, 11 Feb 2009
  • 1186 reads
4 comments
 

Dawn once shall meet
What dusk now hides
Hearts bound to strive
For lifelong thrills.
Clear cloudless skies
Chills rushing in
Fearless to cry
For heartfelt sins.

Our wills shall crumble
Worlds will collide
Love warm and humble
Shall break our stride
Thus killing bravery
Banishing pride
Oh sweetest slavery
Will tame our lives.

Our spirits reborn
Our senses set free
In awe we shall see
Sad memories withdrawn.
Hands will then meet
To never let go
And proud we will show
We don’t fear to dream.

Time will then freeze
As words slowly fade
Life will only bloom
Under our shade.
Pain will be past
Death will retreat
Eden shall blossom
Once you and I meet.

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Ewan on
Impressive; I have attempted poetry in Spanish and know how hard it is to write in a language not your own. You need to find an alternative for 'greets' in line 4; I don't understand what you are trying to say so cannot suggest a viable alternative. 'Greet' would be Scottish vernacular for 'cry', but would not suit the tone of your poem. 'Beat(s)' might work given the line before mentions hearts striving, but I wouldn't advise it. Well done. Ewan

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by PedroJulio on
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my work. I took into account your observation and made the correction, I replaced "greets" for "thrills", which serves my purpose very well. If you're attempting Spanish poetry, I must congratulate you, Spanish is one of the richest languages and its literary works are beautiful. I would love to read some of your work in spanish, and you could read some of my own, and give each other suggestions.

Submitted by tcook on
I am seriously impressed. I wrote some prose in French once but after showing it to a French friend - and once they had stopped laughing - I decided to stick to English!

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
'Our wills shall crumble Worlds will collide Love warm and humble Shall break our stride Thus killing bravery Banishing pride Oh sweetest slavery Will tame our lives.' I love this stanza! And welcome to ABC, a brilliant entrance, I agree ;) I tried to translate some of my poems into French once, I gave up after half an hour and many bad online translators! Magic xxx