Jeremiad

I used to think I

was my own worst enemy

and so did many

of my friends.

But I wanted

to find out for sure.

So I kept a diary:

a record of faces and names,

fluctuations in pulse,

blood pressure,

respiration,

frequency of swearing

and kicking the cat.

You get the picture. 

Turns out I was wrong.

My worst enemy

is Jeremy Kyle.

I only made 4th place.

I grabbed 3rd

on the death

of Jeremy Beadle

but I’ll have to do something

really stupid

to overtake

Jeremy Clarkson.