The Dentist and Denise

Patrick Orrow was a dentist,
The best in all of town,
He was the man you went to see,
If you had cracked your crown.

NHS approved he was,
So all his work was free,
And as it was the people flocked,
Without the fear of fee.

They queued outside for hours,
In the snow or wind or rain,
On sunny days the line would stretch,
‘Bout halfway down the lane!

Thus Patrick was a busy man,
He worked from dawn ‘til dusk,
But always kept a cheerful smile,
Was never rude or brusque.

He treated all his patients,
Then sent them on their way,
And never did they once complain,
You’d always hear them say,

Things like ‘How about that dentist,
Then, he’s such a lovely bloke,
Reminded me to swallow lots,
So that I didn’t choke,’

Or ‘Without that Mr Orrow,
I don’t know how I’d do it,
I’d have my steak there on my plate,
But not the teeth to chew it!’

So all was well for Patrick yes,
A man stuck in the middle,
Balancing his work and home,
He lived a perfect idyll.

But one day something happened,
That would forever breach his peace,
The door to his office opened,
And inside walked Denise.

The youngest of the Harley clan,
Denise was only five,
And had never seen a dentist,
In the time she’d been alive.

A little thing she was for sure,
She held her mothers hand,
And sucking on her lollypop,
Around the room she scanned.

Patrick said hello to them,
And had them take a seat,
‘How may I assist?’ he asked,
While staring at the sweet.

‘Could you check my daughter’s teeth?’
Mrs Harley said,
‘She’s never had them checked before,’
Her cheeks were turning red.

‘You see we move around a lot,
My husband’s in the army,
And all this registering and stuff,
It sends me rather barmy,

But then we got to this place where,
I heard you’re quite a star,
So I filled out all those wretched forms,
And, well, here we are.’

‘That’s not a problem,’ Patrick said,
‘I’ll do it right away,
Save you both the bother of,
Coming back another day.’

Mrs Harley beamed a smile,
And Patrick, playing scout,
Led them through into his surgery,
Where the work was carried out.

Putting on his rubber gloves,
He set about his task,
Of laying out his metal tools,
And tying up his mask.

When all was neat and orderly,
And everything in place,
He turned towards the girl,
Who watched with terror on her face.

‘Don’t be scared Denise,’ he said,
‘I promise it won’t hurt,’
But the child simply hid away,
Behind her mother’s skirt.

‘You can close your eyes,’ tempted Pat,
‘It makes it all go quicker,
And if you’re really good,
Then at the end you get a sticker.’

He walked towards a cupboard,
And removed from it a pot,
‘What colour would you like?’ he asked,
‘I’ll see what ones we’ve got.’

The little child emerged and grinned,
‘Pink, cos it’s my best,’
Her mother laughed and simply said,
‘As if you hadn’t guessed.’

For it was true the girl was dressed,
From head to toe in pink,
‘Then that’s what it shall be Denise,’
Said Patrick with a wink.

He put away the sticker pot,
Then gave the chair a pat,
‘If you’ll just climb up here for me,’
She promptly went and sat.

Patrick smiled ‘Thanks,’ he said,
‘Now, can you open wide?
And will you stay like that for me?
To let me look inside?’

Denise obeyed without a word,
As Pat sat on his stool,
Then going over every tooth,
He poked them with his tools.

And in a semi trance like state,
From his lips there flowed,
Some weird dentist jargon,
That was too hard too decode.

A while past in silence,
Until Pat sat up and said,
‘There Denise, I’m all done now,’
And tapped her on the head.

‘Mrs Harley all is well,
Your daughter’s teeth are fine,
Gleaming white and clean they are,
With a lovely pearly shine.’

Then grinning at Denise he said,
‘I think you’ve earned that treat,
Since you’ve been as good as gold,’
And so got to his feet.

He crossed the floor and fetched the pot,
And placed it near the sink,
Then rifled through its contents,
But none of them were pink.

‘Sorry Denise,’ did Patrick sigh,
‘No pink ones I’m afraid,
The purple one is nice or,
Would you like another shade?’

The girl just watched unblinkingly,
Her eyes were growing bigger,
At every word that Patrick said,
And ‘purple’ was the trigger.

All at once she sprang to life,
Threw back her head and screamed,
A big sound for a tiny girl,
That was kind of siren themed.

With Patrick and her mother stunned,
She jumped up off the chair,
And raced around the room,
Creating carnage everywhere.

Metal trays were overturned and,
Crashed their contents to the floor,
She toppled the pile of x-rays,
And emptied every drawer.

Then at last she went for Patrick,
With eyes so full of rage,
It was such a look of hatred,
That it quite defied her age.

Screeching rather wildly,
She ran with teeth and claws,
Straight towards the dentist,
And opened up her jaws.

He didn’t see it coming,
The punishment she’d planned,
In one quick move she grabbed his arm,
And bit into his hand!

With her teeth affixed into her prey,
The human whirlwind stopped,
Patrick cried in shock and pain,
And the sticker box he dropped.

He tried his best to shake her free,
And Mrs Harley helped,
She spouted forth apologies,
While Patrick squeaked and yelped.

Struggling to free him from,
Denise’s vice like grip,
Mrs Harley lost her balance,
And caused the shouting man to trip.

Stumbling and staggering,
While he cursed the child’s mother,
Denise attached to one hand,
Mrs Harley to the other,

Patrick ran into a table,
As he tried to break his fall,
But alas, he just kept going,
And then head butted the wall,

And the last thing he remembered,
Before it all went dim,
Was false teeth falling from the sky,
To land on top of him.

When next he dared to part his lids,
He was staring at a ceiling,
But not the one he recognised,
T’was quite a funny feeling,

His head was messed, a thoughtless whirl,
Of people, times and places,
Things he couldn’t quite pin down,
Voices, pictures, faces,

He rolled a little to his left,
And there his wife was sitting,
Fiddling with her long blonde hair,
The ends of which were splitting,

‘Am I alive, Lenore?’ he croaked,
At once she grabbed his hand,
He felt the smoothness of her skin,
The silver wedding band,

‘You’ve been unconscious for a day or so,’
Lenora softly stated,
‘They say you put up quite a fight,
You had to be sedated,’

Patrick blinked, what lunacy,
He troubled swatting flies!
Yet he’d fought with paramedics?
Confused, he rubbed his eyes,

‘Can I have my glasses please?
The worlds all fuzzed and blurred,’
She passed them and he put them on,
Without another word,

‘There now, is that better?’
His wife asked as she beamed,
Two rows of perfect pearly whites,
Which in the lamp light gleamed,

In a second all was different,
And Lenora saw the change,
‘Nurse could you come here!’ she called,
‘My husband’s acting strange!’

She gripped his arm ‘What is it dear?
Why do you look so scared??’
But Patrick’s mind was somewhere else,
And at her teeth he stared,

The dentist’s eyes were fixed on them,
And sweat was slowly seeping,
Through his hospital pyjamas,
And the monitors were bleeping,

His heart was thudding, pounding,
He was frozen to the spot,
And all at once he couldn’t breathe,
His body boiling hot,

Doctors poured into the room,
And they pulled his wife aside,
Then set to work on Patrick,
Whilst Lenora stood and cried,

One stepped back and smiled at her,
‘Don’t worry, he’ll be fine,
It’s only cause he’s panicking,
We see this all the time,’

‘Will you tell me what is wrong with him?’
Lenora did enquire,
The doctor looked uncomfortable,
And messed with his attire,

He pushed his hands down in the pockets,
Of his regulation coat,
‘We think he’s got a phobia,
And the chances are remote,

That he’ll ever truly reach a cure,
So if you ask me then,
I’d say his dentist days are over now,
He’ll ne’er fight plaque again,’

Lenora frowned as they watched Pat,
A gasping anaerobic,
For the man who’s life had once been teeth,
Was now Odonotophobic!
So roll round Monday morning,
And what comes into view?
But a queue of people queuing,
As the British like to do,

They stood there with their thermos flasks,
And paper cups of tea,
While putting on their socks and shoes,
And yawning sleepily,

Some had even thought ahead and,
Brought their tents with them,
The sort of things that once put up,
You can’t get down again,

Now they wrestled with the canvas,
And it’s bag with tooth and claw,
‘God,’ said one ‘It must have grown,
It fitted in before,’

Some they chomped on campfire toast,
With corner shop bought butter,
Then brushed their teeth with bottled water,
And spat into the gutter,

At last they saw a car approach,
A shiny red Mercedes,
That extracted whooping from the men,
And cheering from the ladies,

For this of course, was Patrick’s car,
The one he took to work,
It pulled up and a crowd soon formed,
Around the gleaming Merc,

But when the door did open,
And the driver she stepped out,
Jubilation turned to horror,
Exaltation turned to shouts,

This was not their dentist!
Where was Patrick? Was he ill?
But what about their tooth decay?
And holes he had to drill?

‘You’re not Pat!’ a bright spark cried,
The woman’s cheeks were flushed,
‘I’m Mrs Orrow, come with news,’
At once the crowd were hushed,

‘I’ve got something to tell you all,’
She then declared with tact,
‘Patrick said he’s got to leave,
And won’t be coming back,’

The people were astounded,
Pat had quit his job??
And the queue that had been waiting,
Now became an angry mob,

In fear for her existence,
His wife got in the car,
And sped off down the road,
Like it was just a Jaguar,

The crowd they watched the car move off,
With masks of pure despair,
They’d just lost Pat, the best there was,
And none of it was fair!

They chattered brief condolences,
How would they all get through it?
Then wondered home to drown themselves,
In Caramacs and Chewitts,

And what became of Patrick?
Well, he changed his whole career,
When he’d thought about it logically,
The answer had been clear,

What better place for Patrick’s skills,
Than in a nursing home,
He left behind the sterile rooms,
The dentist’s tools, the chrome,

The residents adored him,
With his friendly caring ways,
And Patrick came to work with verve,
And laughter every day,

As now he needn’t worry, for,
His fingers and his thumbs,
Were quite safe with the people there,
Cause all they had were gums.