The Adventures of Frank and Yakamura! (a tale composed of 17 chapters of exactly 50 words each)

[ this tale is also to be found in a slightly different form here…
www.oddcourgette.blogspot.com ]

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- PART ONE –

1.
"Words," said Yakamura Candleburger, Grand High Samurai of the Intergalactic Conglomeration of Non-Human Entities Who Feel Like There are Never Enough Hats in the Universe, "are like small globules of slightly congealed slugslime."
"Jeez," said Frank the Stick Insect, who had had quite enough of Yakamura Candleburger.
"What?" said Yakamura.

2.
"You're an idiot!" said Frank the Stick Insect to Yakamura Candleburger, Grand High Samurai of the Intergalactic Conglomeration of Non-Human Entities Who Feel Like There are Never Enough Hats in the Universe.
"Well at least I'm not a stick insect," said Yakamura Candleburger.
"Rather a stick insect than an idiot!"

3.
"Don't you want to know why words are like small globules of slightly congealed slugslime?" said Yakamura Candleburger, Grand High Samurai of the Intergalactic Conglomeration of Non-Human Entities Who Feel Like There are Never Enough Hats in the Universe.
"No!" said Frank the Stick Insect.
"Then you, my friend, are-"

4.
"The idiot!" said Yakamura Candleburger, Grand High Samurai of the Intergalactic Conglomeration of Non-Human Entities Who Feel Like There are Never Enough Hats in the Universe.
"Sorry, I was distracted there for a minute by utter, inconsolable boredom," said Frank the Stick Insect. "What did you say?"
"Hmmmpph!" said Yakamura.

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- PART TWO –

5.
"Ho hum," said Frank the Stick Insect, as he lolled on a stick trying to look invisible.
"Ah-ha!" said Yakamura (a samurai), "there you are!"
"Oh carpetcheese…" uttered Frank, peeved at his inability to render himself invisible unto his annoying "friend," Yakamura.
"Let's play Yahtzee!" said Yakamura.
"No," said Frank.

6.
"Why not?" said Yakamura.
"Why not what?" said Frank.
"Why not play Yahtzee?" said Yakamura.
"Yahtzee is a game for fools," said Frank.
"Then we shall proudly declare ourselves to be fools!" said Yakamura.
"Whatever," said Frank. "I'm still not playing Yahtzee."
"Spoilsport!" said Yakamura.
"Oh bugger off," said Frank.

7.
"You, my friend," declared Yakamura, "are no fun anymore!"
"Glad you've seen sense," said Frank, who would be happy indeed to no longer have to endure countless Yahtzee tournaments and being forced to feign interest at Yakamura's philosophical babblings.
("Hmm," wondered Yakamura; "how can I rekindle Frank's sense of joy?")

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- PART THREE -

8.
Yakamura (who was a samurai by "trade") sat beneath a cherry blossom tree, perfecting his "Mysterious Japanese Sage" look, as he attempted to consider the ways in which he could "rekindle the joy" in Frank (his "friend," the stick insect).
"What are you doing?" said Frank, as he passed by.

9.
Yakamura, whose "Mysterious Japanese Sage" look was proving to be somewhat elusive, on account of the fact that he was, in fact, "non-human," turned away from Frank and raised his thoughts to a higher plane.
"What are you doing?" said Frank, as he ceased passing by and looked at Yakamura.

10.
Yakamura sat beneath the cherry blossom tree.
"No thing is nothing, and yet nothing is all around," said Yakamura.
"Idiot," said Frank, who continued on his way.
"Wait!" said Yakamura.
"What?" said Frank.
"I have something for you," said Yakamura.
"It had better not be dice," said Frank.
It wasn't.

11.
Yakamura slowly withdrew an object from within his voluminous robes.
"I'm not hungry, thanks," said Frank.
Yakamura replaced the beef'n'cabbage sandwich within his voluminous robes and withdrew (slowly) another object.
"I already have the latest 2000AD," said Frank.
Yakamura replaced the comic within his voluminous robes and withdrew another object…

12.
"A hat?" said Frank to Yakamura. "What would I want with a hat?"
"It's not just any old hat," said Yakamura. "It's a Happyhat!"
"Oh good grief…" uttered Frank, his despair increasing.
"Put it on…" said Yakamura.
"No thanks…" said Frank.
"Put it on!" said Yakamura, more forcefully than previously.

13.
Frank the Stick Insect, with a great deal of reluctance, adorned his bonce with the item known as the "Happyhat."
Yakamura smiled.
"It suits you!" opined Yakamura.
"If you say so," said Frank.
"Think about something," said Yakamura.
"Like what?" said Frank.
"Anything!" said Yakamura.
Frank thought about tennis rackets.

14.
"Well?" said Yakamura (the part-time samurai).
"Well what?" said Frank.
"What are you thinking about?" said Yakamura.
"Tennis rackets," said Frank.
"And?" said Yakamura.
"And what?" said Frank.
"And," said Yakamura, "what is your opinion of tennis rackets?"
"Well…" started Frank; "umm…"
Then Frank had a bit of an epiphany!

15.
"I love tennis rackets!" said Frank.
Yakamura smiled smugly. "Go on…" he said.
"Tennis rackets are beautiful!" said Frank. "In fact…"
"Yes?" said Yakamura, whose smugness had reached astronomical proportions.
"They are the most beautiful objects in the world!" said Frank.
"Hurrah!" said Yakamura – smugness personified!
"Only joking…" said Frank.

16.
Yakamura snatched the Happyhat off Frank's bonce.
"I give up on you," said Yakamura. "You're beyond hope."
"And you're an idiot," said Frank.
"Stop calling me an idiot!" said Yakamura.
"Why?" said Frank.
"Because I'm not an idiot!" said Yakamura. "I am a wise old sage!"
"Ye Gods," said Frank.

17.
And so, with an air of inevitability, Frank the Stick Insect and Yakamura Candleburger, Grand High Samurai of the Intergalactic Conglomeration of Non-Human Entities Who Feel Like There are Never Enough Hats in the Universe, went their separate ways.
"Fancy a game of Yahtzee?" said Yakamura to a passing duck.

- THE END OF THE ADVENTURES OF FRANK AND YAKAMURA -