The Big Spinny Thing

 

At first it appeared in people's minds. People would say, "I've got a Big Spinny Thing in my mind!" and other people would think they were mad, and then those people would get the Big Spinny Thing and they would say, "Oh yeah okay."

 

I got my Big Spinny Thing halfway through period 1 geography on Monday the 16th of July 2018. It was the first day of the last week of term before the summer hols, so the last thing I wanted to be thinking about was soil erosion, but what I didn't expect to start thinking about was a Big Spinny Thing.

 

"Gah!" I said, as Miss Trumpton blathered on about something or other.

 

"Is there something you want to share with the class, Collins?" said Miss Trumpton.

 

Why do teachers always say that? What a stupid thing to say, of course there was nothing I wanted to 'share.'

 

The Big Spinny thing started spinning.

 

"Omyfreakingod!" I said, as my brain started to feel like a gyroscope.

 

"I know geography isn't your favourite subject, Collins, but if you can't keep quiet, you'll have to spend some time in the Reflection Zone."

 

I didn't have a clue what she was saying after that. In fact I became aware of nothing - not the classroom, not period 1 geography - except the Big Spinny Thing spinning in my mind.

 

"Gaaaaaagh!!" I said.

 

The next thing I knew, I was in the First Aid Room.

 

@

 

Everyone thought I was mad at first.

 

The first aider started to write down, "dizzy spell," and I shouted, "No! Big Spinny Thing!"

 

The first aider referred me to the school counsellor, who thought it was something to do with my lack of self esteem. When I told her it wasn't my lack of self esteem, it was a Big Spinny Thing, she frowned and wrote something down.

 

I must stress at this point the importance of the capital letters. Don't ask me why they were important, I just knew they were. Now I have a better idea. Now I know the truth (sort of). But at first it was just an unconscious grammatical insistence.

 

@

 

"Gah!" said Roger Sanders five minutes into period 2 maths on the last day of term.

 

"Sanders!" said Mr Mervin. "Tell me the value of x!"

 

"Big Spinny Thing!" said Roger.

 

"What are you talking about, Sanders?" said Mr Mervin.

 

"Big Spinny Thing in my mind!" said Roger.

 

"If this is a ploy for getting out of answering the question," said Mr Mervin, "then you can think again... x, boy!"

 

"Thirty two-..."

 

"That's r-"

 

"Thirty three... thirty four... thirty five... it just won't stop!"

 

And all the while I was thinking of my own experience at the beginning of the week.

 

"I think he needs first aid, sir," I said.

 

"And what makes you qualified to offer your opinion on the matter, Collins?"

 

"Look at him, he's all red."

 

"Hmm, I suppose he is looking a little peaky. Go on then, Collins, get the lad to sick bay."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

Of course we didn't go to 'sick bay.' I led Roger round the back, by the caretaker's shed, and proceeded to grill him on his experience of the Big Spinny Thing.

 

"Gaaaaaagh!!" he said... followed by a short bout of swearing, a couple of minutes of unconsciousness and some wall-slumped groaning.

 

"Finished?" I asked.

 

Roger nodded.

 

"Good," I said. "So what's with the Big Spinny Thing then?"

 

"It's big," he said; "and it spins."

 

You could tell it was painful to remember.

 

"And does it have capital letters?" I asked.

 

Roger looked at me like I had just mentioned the birth mark on his willy (I don't know if he had one or not; I'm just saying). We then compared experiences and realised they were identical.

 

Things got weirder after that.

 

@

 

Over the summer, the Big Spinny Thing appeared in the minds of almost everyone I knew. At first it was a shock, then it was just there in the background. Everyone's Big Spinny Thing was identical. We knew this, because... well, we just knew. We also knew (I mean everyone knew, everyone with a Big Spinny Thing in their mind) that something else was going to happen.

 

When something else happened, it was Big.

 

@

 

We gathered in the field by the park. That is to say, everyone who lived within a few miles of the field by the park gathered in he field by the park. Everyone else in the world gathered in other nearby open spaces. We waited. The time arrived. That is to say, the time we all knew was the Right Time, which was some time in the afternoon.

 

It was Big.

 

It Spun.

 

Like, really fast.

 

"Just like the one in my mind," said Roger.

 

"Yes," I said.

 

And we knew that pretty much everyone else in the world was thinking the same (although in different languages).

 

Roger got out his camera.

 

"What are you doing?" I said.

 

"For Facebook," he said.

 

"What's the point?" I said.

 

Roger looked at me.

 

"Everyone in the world can see this," I said.

 

Roger put his camera away.

 

The Big Spinny Thing changed.

 

It was still big and it still spun (I have never been quite sure whether or not there should have been capitals when talking about what it did as opposed to what it was). But its colour became... hmm... well... weird. As in, lots of different colours all at once. No, not rainbow-coloured, something else. Not really flashing or cycling through all the colours either, but...

 

Well, you know...

 

It was kind of the colour of thoughts. I don't mean the colours of things we think about, but the colour of actual thoughts. You know? No, I don't suppose you do, but it's the best way I can think to describe it. Alright, the only way. And then before anyone had had time to process what was going on, it was gone.

 

@

 

It left everyone's minds.

 

@

 

Even now I struggle to remember exactly what the Big Spinny Thing was. Actually, especially now. As the years have passed, my recollection has become more and more vague, so I thought I should write down what I do remember before it's gone completely.

 

There are people who claim to have a completely vivid recollection of the Big Spinny Thing - what it looked like, what it did, what it said to them and when it would be coming back - but I don't think anyone really believed them. Well, hardly anyone. People wrote books about it, talked about it on talk shows, the inevitable religion popped up... but everyone I spoke to said they didn't have a clue what had really happened.

 

I stopped at the till in Aldi to say hello to Roger.

 

"Hello Roger," I said.

 

"Hello Michael," said Roger.

 

"Do you remember the Big Spinny Thing?" I said.

 

"I can't talk right now, Michael," said Roger, as he indicated the queue of impatient shoppers behind me.

 

"Oh," I said. "Maybe later?"

 

"Maybe," said Roger - but he had already gestured for the next customer to move down the conveyor belt.