GT011: ManTalk

Maligna and Pistena stood outside by the dustbins, having a fag and discussing their husbands.

'He's always bringing home dead things,' said Maligna.

'Disgusting,' said Pistena.

'I wouldn't mind the odd rat or iguana, but the other day he brought home a human finger. Honestly, he's so uncouth.'

'What did you do with it?'

'Put it in his sandwiches.'

'Waste not, want not.'

'Exactly.'

They both had a drag on their ciggies, then casually pulled a rancid banana skin each out of the bins and tossed them over the wall into the street. A yelp, a thump, followed quickly by another. Two human children started wailing and calling for their mothers.

'I made mine a special meal the other day, for our anniversary,' said Pistena.

'What did you make him?' said Maligna.

'Boiled ankles and frogspawn.'

'Human ankles?'

'Only the best for my Billyus.'

'You're too good to him.'

'I was hoping a good meal might get him in the mood.'

'In the mood for what?'

'You know...'

'Christ, Pistena, you're flippin' gorgeous! He should want to jump your bones at every opportunity.'

'I know,' said Pistena, as she pulled a lump of slime out from behind her ear and popped it in her mouth; 'but sometimes I think if I was a human he'd pay me more attention.'

'Wash your mouth out,' said Maligna.

Pistena swallowed the lump of slime with an audible gulp.

They took another drag on their ciggies.

'Where you going for your hols?' said Maligna.

'Thought we'd get a last-minute flight to Venice and pour vats of washing up liquid in the canals,' said Pistena.

'Sounds lovely.'

'You?'

'Oh the usual - spreading cat crap and dog vomit on Brighton Beach.'

'Nice.'

Maligna and Pistena stubbed out their fag-ends on the head of a passing pigeon, then went inside to get the tea on.