Larry & Mick Find Inner Peace

It happened one summer. A long and momentous summer, which also seemed to fly by. Larry & Mick decided to go on a journey. A spiritual journey. A journey of self-discovery and¦ you know¦ spiritual stuff. The first place they ended up was¦
'Tibet!' said Larry.
'Tibet?' said Mick.
They were standing on top of a mountain. The wind was whistling through their hair. There was snow on the ground. The far-off sound of bagpipes drifted towards them through the thin, icy air.
'Are you sure we're in Tibet?' said Mick.
' 'Ang on, I'll get me map,' said Larry.
As Larry consulted the map, a short and hairy man, who wore a kilt and a woolly hat, munched on a haggis and sung Highland ditties as he wandered by.
'I fear,' said Larry, who had failed to notice the passing stranger, 'we may have taken a wrong turn.'
'You don't say,' said Mick, who plonked himself down on a big pile of goat-poo and put his chin in his hands.
'But no matter!' said Larry, tossing the map to one side. 'We are on a mountain - we shall begin our spiritual journey here!'
'By why tosseth ye the map to one side?'
'We shall follow our hearts, friend Mick! We do not need a worldly map to guide us to the Awakening Of Our Souls!'
'But do we not need a worldly map to guide us to the Nearest Loos?'
'Good point,' said Larry, as he retrieved the map and shoved it in his back pocket. He then pointed straight ahead. 'Onwards!' he declared and started to walk in the direction his finger was pointing.
Mick sighed, got up from the big pile of goat-poo and went 'onwards' also.

'They say,' said Larry, 'that Enlightenment can be found in the most mundane of places.'
Mick was scrutinizing the back of a packet of Batchelor's Savoury Rice, in search of Universal Truths.
'Come, friend Mick,' said Larry. 'Let us meditate awhile.'
'Here, amongst the Dried Goods and Sauces?' said Mick.
'Well of course not,' said Larry, as he proceeded to lead Mick elsewhere.
Mick replaced the Batchelor's Savoury Rice packet and followed his spiritual mentor to the place he had deemed most appropriate for meditation'n'stuff.
'Here!' said Larry, as he plonked himself down on the floor of the Breakfast Cereals aisle.
'Obviously,' said Mick, who did plonkage also.
'Now cross your legs, rest you hands on your knees and utter the Universal Om.'
'The universal what?'
'Do humming.'
'Okay.'
Mick did humming.
Larry did humming also.
After, that is, they had crossed their legs and rested their hands on their knees.
'And close your eyes.'
And closed their eyes.
'Ommmmmm¦' went Larry.
And 'Ommmmmm¦' went Mick also.
And 'Get out of the tossin' way, you tossers!' went an impolite young gentleman in a tracksuit.
And 'I'm trying to get to the tossin' Sugar Puffs!' went the same gentleman (which was understandable, as there was a 50% Extra Free! offer on the Sugar Puffs at the moment).
'Ignore these worldly distractions,' said Larry to Mick. 'Let them wash over you, like water off the back of the Eternal Karmic Duck.'
But Mick was having doubts. And he expressed them thus¦
'I think we'd better go before we get beaten up.'
'You're probably right,' said Larry.
And off they went on the next leg of their Spiritual Quest.

'Upon reflection,' Larry said, as he and Mick sat on a coach, surrounded by the residents of the Comfy Chairs'n'Cups of Tea'n'Beef on Sundays Nursing Home; 'I feel that more privacy may be required than in the Breakfast Cereals aisle at Sainsbury's.'
'What about the Frozen Food section of Lidls?' suggested Mick.
'I have a much better idea!' said Larry.
'And what would that be?'
'Look around you¦'
Mick perused the toothless grins, tea-cosy hats and cardigans, and said, 'I thought we were just going on a trip to the seaside.'
'To the seaside, yes,' said Larry. 'But not to build sandcastles and throw crabs at the seagulls.'
'But what else is there to do at the seaside?'
'You'll see, my friend¦ You'll see¦'
Suddenly Mick wasn't looking forward to the trip so much.

They spent the next three months in a beach hut in Bournemouth. Which wasn't much fun, but it gave them a lot of time to think. And play tiddlywinks. And find Inner Peace. And stuff.
'You found Inner Peace yet?' said Larry.
'Sort of,' said Mick.
'Shall we go and throw crabs at the seagulls?' said Larry.
'Why the heck not?' said Mick.
And that was how Larry & Mick found Inner Peace.

[ FIN ]