roughpotatofallacy (RPF1)

 

1. Mr Rough-Potato-Fallacy

 

“Woah there, Mr Rough-Potato-Fallacy!,” called the detective to the fleeing criminal.

 

“That is not my name!,” said the fleeing criminal, as he fired off a shot at the detective, then leapt over a wall.

 

The detective dodged. “Then what is?,” he said.

 

“You will never know!,” said the fleeing criminal, as he tore a hole in the fabric of spacetime, which he then leapt through, with a flourish and a crackle of green electricity.

 

“Oh bugger.” The detective stood around, wondering what to do next.

 

 

 

2. Rough Potato Fallacy (the)

 

“It’s the Rough Potato Fallacy,” said Dr Ernest Tasslethwart of the University of Droitwich.

 

“But how?,” said Ms Flottigan-Smythe. “No one has spoken of it for over a thousand years.”

 

“More like forever, innit?,” said ‘Smasher’ Bentley of the 2 Tuf Dance Krew.

 

“What do you mean, my lad?,” said Dr Tasslethwart.

 

“Firstly,” said ‘Smasher’ Bentley; “I am not your lad, mate.”

 

“Sorry,” said Dr Tasslethwart.

 

“And B,” continued the Dancing Demon; “it is my considered opinion that the Rough Potato Fallacy is itself...”

 

‘Smasher’ looked to the Doctor, then Ms Flottigan-Smythe, then the other people in the room who had not been mentioned yet.

 

“A fallacy!,” concluded the lippy lad, upon which he started fiddling with his yo-yo.

 

“This is not the time to be fiddling with a yo-yo,” said Braunton the Bearded Beaver, who had just entered the room through the AC vent.

 

“This is not just a yo-yo, fella,” said the yampy youth, who, upon ‘walking the dog,’ disappeared with a crackle of green electricity (and some smoke).

 

“Oh bugger,” said all present. They then wondered what to do next.

 

 

 

3. Rough Potato? Fallacy.

 

The potato loomed large. It was rough. But at the same time beautiful. The crew of the Happy Salmon intergalactic cruiser stared, agog, as it filled the viewscreen. Almost. The Happy Salmon then turned a bit and there was an announcement:

 

“Attention please. We will now be manoeuvring into an orbital dock of the unexpected object, whilst a small team of expects investigates the big floating tuber. Please do not be alarmed. Hot chocolate and vol-au-vents will be served at your convenience.”

 

“Convenient it is not!,” said the lady with the paper bag full of lemons. “I will now be late for my appointment with the xenobiologist.”

 

The fleeing criminal looked nervously at his portable sundial. He then tutted. He then sighed. He considered ripping another rent in reality, but there was something about the potato which gave him pause.

 

It’s not really a potato - said the tiny little chipmunk-like voice in his mind.

 

But what was it?

 

He wondered what to do next.

 

 

 

4. Rough (potato fallacy)

 

It was only when Ms Flottigan-Smythe fully understood the nature of her microwave meal that she rose from her stool and contemplated the aroma of her companions.

 

“Shepherds pie?,” said Dr Tasslethwart.

 

“No,” said Ms Flottigan-Smythe.

 

“Cottage pie?,” said Braunton the Bearded Beaver.

 

“Same thing,” said Ms Flottigan-Smythe.

 

(Braunton the Bearded Beaver knew that it wasn’t, but decided to let that one lie.)

 

“Feta salad with avocado compote?,” said a formless beige entity, who had recently merged with a local beehive and so its utterances were now infused with a buzzing sibilance, which was nonetheless only discernible to the trained ear.

 

“Buzz off,” said Ms Flottigan-Smythe to the formless beige entity.

 

 

 

5. Rough. Potato. Fallacy.

 

And so, as is the way of things, potatoes and carrots and cravats and seams of coal under many-layered piles of knitted kimonos, the compacted vegetable matter that formed the crust of the Far Earth Object, that resembled but was in fact not a potato, was sampled, sautéed and sat upon, in such a way as to bring tears to the eyes and fettuccine to the feat of all human and non-human observers thereto.

 

Said observers sat around and wondered what to do next.

 

“Shall we eat the potato?,” said Observer#1.

 

“It is not a real potato,” said Observer#2.

 

“Oh,” said Observer#3.

 

The observers on the Happy Salmon intergalactic cruiser sat around eating salad.

 

 

 

[ rough/potato/fallacy ]