"That's an Odd Courgette" - postings 11-20 (19 Apr 06 - 30 Apr 06)

19 April 2006:
11. Time

When you are in a long-term relationship, time doesn't pass. My partner has never aged for me. The outside world chugs on by, but as long as I am with the woman (always my 'girl'friend) I am with, will we ever feel older than the age when we met?

21 April 2006:
12. Size

'Everything is small,' said Simon, as he ate a spoonful of porridge; 'except for things which are undeniably big.'
He supped some tea. 'But what,' he continued, 'is undeniably big? A planet? A solar system? The universe?'
A tiny ant crawled across the table. He squished it with his spoon.

22 April 2006:
13. Acronyms

All Potential Pilots Left Early.
People In Lifts Often Talk.
Even Arch Rivals Lactate Yearly!
Life Is Free To Some...
Old Factories Taste Exceptionally Nice.
Romans Idolise Very Active Lemons.
Tulips And Sausages Traipse Everywhere!
Rocks On Mattresses Are Nobbly.
Let's Eat Millions Of Nuts!
Trudy Uses Loofahs In Paris.

23 April 2006:
14. Burlesque

Exotically stripping away the layers.
Erotic yet wholesome, it seems -
Old-fashioned nipple-tassels jostle.
Is there room for this
Amidst the myriad Internet perversions?
Specialities for the discerning customer:
Bestiality... Necrophilia... Double Anal... Dwarves...
How can we be satisfied
With the removal of clothes,
When darkest fantasies are inconsolable?

24 April 2006:
15. Reality

He woke up and realised that everything was a dream. His entire life. Like in The Matrix. Except unlike The Matrix, there was no Zion, no machines, no vast fields of cultivated humanity. There was nothing.
'Bugger this for a game of soldiers,' he thought and went back to sleep.

25 April 2006:
16. Interview

Oh how I love job interviews. Especially for those jobs I don't actually want and I'm just going for because I've got to do something and I can't live on air. "Where do you see yourself in five years? - not in this Godforsaken hole, I sincerely hope! Awaiting the call...

26 April 2006:
17. Mary

She wasn't a prostitute, she was the lover of the greatest man that ever lived. He adored her, he worshipped her; and she, him. After his death, she wept and then lived out her years in Gaul, preaching his message of love. Now she is known as 'the repentant whore'...

28 April 2006:
18. Stealth

I entered the ventilation shaft... dropped into an office... tip-toed across Flotex, then headed for my goal. Inside the main room were hundreds of people! I reached for my pistol, but then realised I am not Sam Fisher from the 'Splinter Cell' videogames. I bought some Cornflakes and left.

29 April 2006:
19. Rovinj

Holiday time! My girlfriend and I are off to Rovinj in Croatia on Tuesday. It is apparently the "gem of the Istrian Riviera. We're staying in the four-star Eden Hotel, half-board, surrounded by beautiful woodland. Amazing for a place which, only ten years ago, was inaccessible to tourists.

30 April 2006:
20. The Mystical Puppies of Rovinj - 1. Mystical

In the picturesque Croatian town of Rovinj lived three little puppies. They weren't normal puppies. They had special powers. One day they met an English tourist called Mandy.
'Which way to the nearest fish restaurant?' said Mandy.
'That way,' said the Mystical Puppies of Rovinj, then went on their way.